Carpet Wear House – Intro to Elsinore Hotel

When I came across the bit in ‘Hamlet’ where Claudius asks Hamlet the name of the play he has prepared and Hamlet says ‘The Mousetrap’, I knew I was home and dry. Some months previously I had been fascinated to learn from Geraldine Pilgrim that the set of the very long-running Agatha Christie play (it opened in 1952 at the Ambassadors and is now at the St Martins Theatre in London) still contained some props and furniture from the show’s earliest days. Geraldine – an aficionado of the play’s largely intact 50s acting and design style – told me, however, that those parts of the set – particularly the carpet – that were regularly touched or walked upon by the actors, night after night, began to develop bald, soiled or worn patches and had to be replaced on an annual basis. (One does not know whether Management required, after each refurbishment, the actors to emulate the Lawn Tennis ‘New Balls’ convention of indicating the newness to each other by touching or pointing to the fresh materials prior to the ritual assumption of fictional character.)

I learned that the carpet of ‘The Mousetrap’, after a few months, began to develop tracks and pathways trodden into it by actors repeatedly following their director’s blocking (the fixed, detailed choreography of moves around the performance space made by actors as they physicalise the script’s dynamics). It was as if the play, in its legendary London West End form, had become a bubble-chamber trace of the obsessive perambulations of a group of particles or persons in search of a perpetually elusive resting place. The play was not an entertainment for paying audiences so much as an unending ritual the repeated enactment of which ensured some sort of stability for the community. If the ritual repetitions were interrupted or modified in any way the outcomes would be dire, both for the community and the actors.

The Wimbledon gigs are a marvellous opportunity to bench test performance ideas. On this occasion I determined to write a text that would somehow combine elements from Hamlet – the play chosen for the student designers’ project – with the strange time-capsule that comprised not only the text of Agatha Christie’s ‘The Mousetrap’ but also its survival as an unbroken, 55 year stream of performance into the early 21st Century. I had seen a matinée of the show some years previously and had been gripped by its extreme awkwardness and rigidity.

I had long believed that since theatre was such a fundamentally odd contrivance only a comparably odd style of writing and acting was right for it. (The work, in the UK, of ‘Forced Entertainment’ and Gary Stevens appears to derive from a similar viewpoint.) ‘The Mousetrap’ was so odd that it seemed to run on pre-theatrical values. It was as if the show had been concocted in order to disseminate the arcane beliefs of a group that treasured a high level of ritual in its observances. A by-product of this effect was the eery but compelling distance between the actors and their task – so alien to their training were the requirements of the play that the actors seemed to handle their roles with the white gloves of the antiquarian examining an ancient manuscript. You could see them acting – they were not conventionally and seamlessly immersed in their roles. They weren’t bad actors, they just weren’t allowed to assume a contemporary style.

With a gap like this, so baldly displayed, ‘The Mousetrap’ becomes a welcoming playground for intervention. I started talking with the Wimbledon designers about the eccentricities of the play and we moved into ruminations about obsessive compulsive behaviour, addiction, habit and memory palaces. The set would be designed along the lines laid out in the original script but the carpet and furniture would be distressed to suggest the habitual usage to which they were subjected. The carpet would have clear, furrowed pathways and the walls, sofas etc would have visible areas of grime where they had been touched in exactly the same places from show to show.

It would become apparent in the course of ‘Elsinore Hotel’ that the country hotel whodunit was actually a play being rehearsed by a troubled theatre director who, Hamlet-like, had been unhinged by the murder of his father and was then driven to a senseless killing.

In order to intensify this theme of directors and fathers and plays within plays I decided upon an unique and selfless course of action. Just as the delicious playlet appeared to reach its climax, I would come onstage, in the role of David Gale, a theatre director. I would say true things to the actors and cater to their needs. Like the great Polish director Tadeusz Kantor, I would move through the set and no one would be quite sure why.

It came to me in a rush. I would wear my suit and go onstage. I would be the kind, good director presiding over the follies of the director character in ‘The Mousetrap’ who had murdered a fellow actor as a result of confusing his personal life with a theatre script. Two of the actors in the play would have three personae: Chris Newland would play Giles, the proprietor of the Elsinore Hotel; Andrew the director of the play ‘The Elsinore Hotel’ and Chris Newland, an actor working in the show. Jude Barrington would play Mollie, Giles’ wife; Ingrid, an actress employed by Andrew to work in ‘Elsinore Hotel’ and Jude Barrington, an actress employed by David Gale to work on the show.

Certainty would be awash with instability. The confusion would be bracing.

2007

Elsinore Hotel

(See introduction to the playlet here)

CLAUDIUS What do you call the play?
HAMLET The Mousetrap.
‘Hamlet’: Act III Sc 2


GILES/ANDREW was played by Chris Newland. MOLLIE/INGRID by Jude Barrington. DETECTIVE SERGEANT TROTTER by Ben Martin.


THE ENTRANCE HALL OF THE ELSINORE HOTEL, 1952.
UPON CLOSE EXAMINATION OF THE SCENE IT CAN BE SEEN THAT, IN PLACES, THE FIXTURES AND FITTINGS BEAR SIGNS OF WEAR AND TEAR. IT WILL FURTHER BECOME APPARENT THAT THESE MARKS OF DISTRESS ARE CAUSED BY THE REPEATED PASSAGE OF THE CHARACTERS OF THE PLAY THROUGH A SERIES OF POINTS AT WHICH THEY ALWAYS PERFORM CERTAIN ACTS. THOSE PARTS OF THE SCENE NOT REGULARLY VISITED BY THE CHARACTERS BEAR NO SIGNS OF WEAR AT ALL.


SEATED SEPARATELY AROUND THE LOBBY ARE THREE RESIDENTS OF THE HOTEL. ONE IS KNITTING, ANOTHER IS READING, THE THIRD IS LOADING A PIPE THAT IS NEVER SMOKED. THESE FIGURES ARE PLAYED BY EXTRAS. THEY HAVE NO LINES AND DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THROUGHOUT THE PLAYLET.


FROM AN INTERIOR DOOR ENTERS GILES RALSTON, THE PROPRIETOR OF THE NEW ELSINORE HOTEL. HE BLOWS ON HIS HANDS AND SLAPS HIMSELF WITH HIS ARMS AS IF HE HAD ENTERED FROM A COLD PLACE.
GILES IS ALSO THE DIRECTOR OF THE PLAY. HIS REAL NAME IS ANDREW. HE WILL INTERRUPT THE ACTING FROM TIME TO TIME IN ORDER TO DIRECT THE ACTORS AROUND HIM.
IN COMMON WITH ALL CHARACTERS AT ALL TIMES, GILES MOVES, WITH A MEASURED DELIBERATION, ALONG A PATHWAY WORN INTO THE CARPET. HE ARRIVES AT THE RECEPTION DESK, WHERE HE CONSULTS THE REGISTER.
THE VARIOUS POINTS AND PLACES USED BY THE ACTORS ARE KNOWN AS ‘POINTS OF POWER’.
FROM ANOTHER INTERIOR DOOR ENTERS MOLLIE RALSTON, GILES’ WIFE. SHE BLOWS ON HER HANDS AND SLAPS HERSELF WITH HER ARMS AS IF SHE HAD ENTERED FROM A COLD PLACE.
EVERY TIME A SPEECH IS DELIVERED, THE CHARACTER WILL MOVE AROUND THE SET, AS IF HYPER-BLOCKED BY AN EXCITABLE DIRECTOR. THIS WILL ENABLE THE ACTOR TO COVER A NUMBER OF ‘POINTS OF POWER’.
MOLLIE Hello, darling. Beastly weather.
GILES Have you been outside?
MOLLIE No.
GILES What’s it like, Mollie?
MOLLIE Utterly silent. Now and then, despite what I have just said, a bird pipes piteously. The black sticks of the copse are damp. Those leaves that have not yet dropped drip. Thither between the chill stands of ash run the traceries of birds’ feet – tiny, skittering stars on the bleak bowl of the forest floor. The sky is slate. The swirls are sudden. Squirrels chitter in frigid fugue.
GILES I won’t be going out.
MOLLIE Did you hear the radio?
GILES Where?
MOLLIE Apparently there has been a murder of Mister Rex Lyon.
GILES We don’t know him.
MOLLIE That there are murders is enough in itself.
GILES Sometimes they are unfortunate accidents.
MOLLIE Sometimes there are loose killers roaming.
GILES I don’t like that, Mollie.
MOLLIE At least we have each other.
GILES I suppose we do.
MOLLIE No suppose, Giles. It’s a ‘do have’.
GILES And we do have this new hotel enterprise and idea of ours to do our best with and look forward to.
THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE FRENCH WINDOW.
GILES GOES TO SEE WHO IS THERE.
A SNOW COVERED GENTLEMAN GESTURES. HE IS CARRYING SKI STICKS (ARE THEY CALLED SKI STICKS? I HAVE ONLY SKIED ONCE, IN NORWAY, IN 1975. WE HAD STICKS BUT THEY WERE IN NORWEGIAN).
GILES GESTURES TO THE MAN TO COME ROUND TO THE DOOR.
WHEN HE OPENS THE DOOR SNOW SWIRLS INTO THE ROOM FOLLOWED BY A MAN COVERED IN SNOW AND WEARING SKIS. IT IS THE SAME MAN, DETECTIVE SERGEANT TROTTER.
TROTTER I’m a bobbie.
GILES A bobbie! Mollie – a bobbie is here!
MOLLIE Why a bobbie?
TROTTER May I come in?
GILES Please do, bobbie.
TROTTER Detective Sergeant Trotter. Thank you.
TROTTER ENTERS THE HALL.
MOLLIE What’s it like outside?
TROTTER I’m afraid I have something more important.
GILES I’m startled.
TROTTER Have you now or do you know a Mister Rex Lyon?
MOLLIE He is dead.
TROTTER How did you know that?
GILES We didn’t. He isn’t.
MOLLIE It was on the radio, Inspector.
TROTTER The roads are deep with snow. Conventional landmarks are difficult to make out. Passage cannot be taken lightly.
GILES Thus your skis. (AS ANDREW) Actually, Terry, can you do that a little slower? You tend to rush it out.
TROTTER Sorry.
TERRY, MOLLIE AND GILES MOVE BACK TO THE POSITIONS THEY INHABITED PRIOR TO TERRY’S DELIVERY OF THE LINE IN QUESTION. EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE MERELY RETRACING THEIR STEPS, THEY TOUCH, IN REVERSE ORDER, ALL THE PREVIOUSLY USED LANDMARKS BETWEEN THE TWO POINTS.
TROTTER The roads are deep with snow. Conventional landmarks are difficult to make out. Passage cannot be taken lightly.
GILES (AS ANDREW) Much better. (AS GILES) Thus your skis.
TROTTER We have reason to believe that the murderer of Mister Rex Lyon may be heading in the direction of the Elsinore Hotel.
MOLLIE Heavens!
GILES Why?
TROTTER A curious disconnection prevails outside. Throughout the country there is skidding.
GILES Are people slipping?
TROTTER A man was seen falling near the apartment of Mister Rex Lyon. He was wearing a dark overcoat, a light scarf and a felt hat.
GILES Felt?
MOLLIE It’s common in millinery, Giles.
GILES I would have thought it was too soft.
MOLLIE No. Did the man get up, Inspector?
TROTTER No, I…damn. He man…what is it?
MOLLIE He managed to right himself?
THE THREE CHARACTERS RETRACE THEIR STEPS TO A POINT PRIOR TO THE DELIVERY OF THE LINE.
TROTTER He managed to right himself. Unfortunately in giving chase our constable himself took a tumble.
GILES (AS ANDREW, SYMPATHETICALLY) It’s a funny line. Tell you what, we actually do know this pretty well. I’d like to go right to the last scene and take it from there.
TROTTER Right to the end? Why?
GILES It’s shakey. It was yesterday. I think we all relax too much.
TROTTER I find it very difficult, jumping about. It’s not the way to do it.
MOLLIE I hate it, Andrew. We’ve never done it. There’s really no need.
GILES Can’t you just, for once, just try?
MOLLIE Andrew – it’s fine, it’s perfectly fine. We know it.
TROTTER Going back is manageable, if we absolutely have to, but jumping forward, not going through it properly…I think it’s dangerous, frankly.
GILES Dangerous!?
MOLLIE Yes – it only works if it’s all done, you know that. If you don’t do it all then it could fall to bits.
GILES But this is rehearsal!
TROTTER No difference.
MOLLIE It’s you.
GILES What do you mean it’s me?
MOLLIE Well, since your father died.
GILES He didn’t die, Ingrid. Somebody killed him.
MOLLIE Yes. Maybe. Quite probably. But it seems to be getting into the work. I mean, we all know it must be so terrible but when you let it into the work it just upsets everybody. I’m sorry.
GILES Perhaps if we just walked through, you know, just from point to point.
MOLLIE That’s a great idea!
TROTTER Wouldn’t take too long.
MOLLIE That’s so much better! Because it’s not the words, is it?
GILES No…I suppose not.
MOLLIE Well, it isn’t for me.
TROTTER Nor me. It’s…
MOLLIE The journey!
TROTTER Exactly!
GILES Terry – can you just kick it off with the line.
TROTTER He managed to right himself. Unfortunately in giving chase our constable himself took a tumble.
THE ACTORS START TO MOVE THROUGH THE ACTION OF THE PLAY THAT THEY KNOW SO WELL. AT FIRST THEY MOVE THROUGH THE ‘POINTS OF POWER’ AT A NATURALISTIC PACE THEN THEY GRADUALLY SPEED UP.
THIS EPISODE IS BASED ON THE SAFE ASSUMPTION THAT THE AUDIENCE IS NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE PLOT IN ANY DETAIL. THE ACTORS WILL THEREFORE ONLY SKETCH OUT ELEMENTS OF THE ACTION. THE EPISODE WILL LAST ONLY A FEW MINUTES.
EACH OF THE THREE EXTRAS IS VISITED IN TURN AND (MUTE) DISCUSSIONS, LED BY DETECTIVE SERGEANT TROTTER, ARE CARRIED OUT BESIDE THEM, AS IF TROTTER IS SUMMING UP HIS DEDUCTIONS ABOUT THEM BEFORE MOVING ON TO THE NEXT ONE.
AS THIS ODD, SILENT ENACTMENT MOVES TO ITS CONCLUSION THERE WILL COME A POINT WHEN TROTTER UNEXPECTEDLY PRODUCES A REVOLVER AND THREATENS MOLLIE. (THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS IN THE REAL ‘MOUSETRAP’.) HE IS STANDING BEHIND THE SOFA WHEN HE DOES THIS.
GILES SUDDENLY BREAKS THE RULES. HE SPRINTS ACROSS THE CARPET, IGNORING THE ‘POINTS OF POWER’ AND THE PATHWAYS, AND PUNCHES TROTTER IN THE STOMACH. TROTTER FALLS DOWN BEHIND THE SOFA.
MOLLIE (AS INGRID) Andrew! What are you doing?
GILES (AS ANDREW) It was him! It was fucking him!
HE KICKS TERRY VICIOUSLY. (WE CAN’T SEE TERRY’S BODY.)
MOLLIE Andrew! Don’t!
GILES CONTINUES TO KICK SAVAGELY AT TERRY THEN STARTS STAMPING ON HIS HEAD OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
GILES He fucking did it! He fucking did it!
MOLLIE I don’t understand. Andrew! Stop it, stop it! How do you know? How do you know?
GILES, IN A FRENZY BY NOW, GRUNTING AND GASPING, CONTINUES TO KICK AND STAMP ON TERRY’S LIFELESS BODY.
EVENTUALLY HE STOPS. HE STANDS PANTING BY TERRY’S BODY.
MOLLIE WALKS DOWNSTAGE AND ADDRESSES THE AUDIENCE.
SAD MUSIC BEGINS.
MOLLIE Andrew didn’t realise what he was doing. He didn’t understand that we are not unbounded creatures. That we are who we are because of the limits that we place upon ourselves. That without these limits we are vapour. Andrew had many admirable qualities: he sought to flush out the stagnant in order that freshness might prevail. He brought to others an example of enthusiasm that they might emulate – he showed them that fear has no place in the bright, forward everyday. But his energies carried him into unmapped terrain. Places that he was not ready for. Andrew kicked against the checks and stops, he railed against the small satisfactions that kept Terry and myself in some sort of place, in some sort of time. He went to places where everything has meaning. But if everything has meaning then meaning is in flight. The winds rush in, the pterodactyls sweep from the sky. Andrew – it weren’t broke but you tried to fix it!
(THE WRITER AND DIRECTOR DAVID GALE WALKS QUIETLY ONSTAGE AND SITS DOWN TO THE SIDE SOMEWHERE.
MOLLIE TURNS TO HIM.)
David, can you make me a sandwich or something?
DAVID Of course. Would you like peanut butter?
MOLLIE That would be lovely.
DAVID PRODUCES (FROM SOMEWHERE PRESET ON THE SET) A WHITE SLICED LOAF, A JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER, A KNIFE AND A PLATE.
HE STARTS TO MAKE A SANDWICH.
MOLLIE LOOKS INTO THE AUDIENCE.
THE SAD MUSIC CONTINUES.
ANDREW COMES ROUND THE FRONT OF THE SOFA AND SITS DOWN ON IT.
DAVID (TO MOLLIE) At Christmas I got this wire puzzle in a cracker. You had to try to get this ring off these two linked loops. It wouldn’t slide off, the loops were too big. You had to manipulate it and then the ring would suddenly slip off. It was really satisfying. But I couldn’t get it to do it again. It was really frustrating.
MOLLIE You should practise more. Do it every day. If you do it every day you can be satisfied every day.
ANDREW Could I have a sandwich too?
DAVID Sure.
DAVID STARTS TO MAKE ANOTHER SANDWICH.
MOLLIE (TO ANDREW) You alright?
ANDREW Fine.
DAVID HANDS THE SANDWICH TO ANDREW.
ANDREW Thank you.
PAUSE.
MOLLIE AND ANDREW EAT THEIR SANDWICHES.
DAVID (TO MOLLIE) Jude. I really like what you do.
MOLLIE Do you? Thank you.
DAVID (TO ANDREW) And Chris. I like what you do. I really do.
ANDREW Thank you. I enjoy it.
MOLLIE And Ben?
DAVID Ben’s great. I like what he does.
ANDREW Did.
DAVID Yes.
NOBODY SAYS ANYTHING ELSE.
PEOPLE FINISH THEIR SANDWICHES.
THE SAD MUSIC CONTINUES.
DAVID WALKS OFF.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER JUDE AND CHRIS WALK OFF.
THEN MAYBE BEN GETS UP AND WALKS OFF. I CAN’T DECIDE.
THE EXTRAS ARE STILL THERE.
BLACKOUT.
END

2007

Terence McKenna

This piece was first published in ‘The Daily Telegraph’

Things are starting to go squirrelly in the Amazon basin. Terence McKenna’s brother Dennis has been eating magic mushrooms and is behaving in a most peculiar way. He has just told Terence that he has rung their mother back in the States. Terence is not impressed. Mother had died the previous year and in the tiny Colombian riverside settlement of La Chorrera there are no phones. Dennis insists. Mother had been watching the World Series on TV and had refused to believe it was Dennis on the phone because, she said, she could see his three year old body, fast asleep, right in front of her eyes.

Dennis explains: under the influence of the hallucinogenic drug he has learned how to phone back into the past. Although he had placed the call on March 6, 1971, Mother was actually speaking from 1953.

March is proving to be a testing month for all five of the Americans on the expedition. They had originally met a few years earlier on the campus in Berkeley, becoming firm friends as they shot the rapids of insurrectionary politics and sailed blissfully through the dope haze of the 1968 Summer of Love. Majoring in the psychedelic experience, they had learned that other worlds existed at the periphery of the everyday, worlds that beckoned with such insistence that the graduates determined to force an entry by whatever means proved necessary.

One of Dennis’s more established real world specialities was ethnopharmacology – the study of drugs used by tribal peoples. He knew that some of the strongest hallucinogens in the world were to be found in Colombia, around the upper tributaries of the Rio Putumayo as it snaked along the border with Ecuador and Peru. The old friends regrouped in Vancouver and prepared to fly south.

Like the legendary explorer Colonel Fawcett of Brazil, the McKenna brothers would endure extreme privation and encounter great marvels as they trekked through the jungle. Their story would be the stuff of ripping yarns but with one crucial difference: the interior that the Americans were mapping was not the domain of isolated Amazonian tribes but the exotic landscapes of human consciousness. Their yarn, so they were convinced, was ripping through the fabric of reality itself.

In 1993 Terence McKenna published ‘True Hallucinations – Being an Account of the Author’s Extraordinary Adventures in the Devil’s Paradise.’ As the subtitle suggests, it has much of the charm of a 1920s Boys’ Own tale yet contains an extraordinary treatise on the author’s outrageous assessment of the nature of consciousness, derived from the repeated ingestion of vines and mushrooms that blow you clear out of your tiny, socialised skull into some very strange places indeed.

The book ranges over topics such as the significance of UFOs, the virtues of ‘heroic dosage’, the Theory of Novelty and the assertion that time will end in 2012. These matters also fuel the dense, witty and infuriating presentations that the writer delivers on the lecture circuit, where he now spends much of his time. Now that LSD ambassador Timothy Leary has departed for the great trip in the sky, McKenna has taken up the mantle of consciousness expansion guru for the 90s. His lectures are invariably packed out, drawing crowds from across a spectrum covering eager ravers on the Ecstasy scene and radical physicists picking at wrinkles in the time-space continuum.

At an event called ‘The Incident’, held at the Institute of Contemporary Arts in London, McKenna is due to speak on a panel titled ‘The End of Time’. Framed by a window opening onto a view of Big Ben, a few hundred yards down the Mall from where the Queen lives, the Prince of Paradise relaxes before the show with a thirty minute monologue on on all things wild and woolly. The man Her Majesty would not wish to know is a slight, bearded figure in a tweed jacket and jeans. Nearly fifty now, his hair is flecked with grey and his round spectacles add gravitas to the image of the academic that is so thoroughly belied by his psychedelic track record. McKenna’s voice is simultaneously thin, nasal and piercing. He speaks fast and fluently, constructing long, elegant sentences that generate even longer dissertations on ideas that subvert the most fundamental notions of what it is to be human.

“It is the business of philosophy,” McKenna kicks off, “to try and go beyond appearances, beyond cultural value and individual opinion. To try and establish what, if anything, is really there. What this conference raises for me is the issue of the ambiguity of language and the naiveté of people about such things as the giving of evidence, the recollection of past experience and the way in which reality is built out of language but this essential fact about experience is never stressed.”

So far this is pretty respectable stuff, with just a dash of contentiousness emerging in the business about reality and language. It has, nevertheless, its origins in the events of March, 1971, when Dennis McKenna was making phoneless phone calls into the past. A few days prior to this unsettling event the psychedelic explorers had emerged from the jungle into a large pasture containing, incongruously, a herd of white cattle. Scattered about the field were clusters of Stropharia cubensis, a mushroom containing the potent hallucinogen psilocybin. Terence, Dennis, Dave, Vanessa and Ev gathered them eagerly and ate about six each. In his journal Terence recalls that he spent that night “on an enormously rich and alive, yet gentle and elusive trip. I am left with the sense that by penetrating the local psychedelic flora we have taken a giant step toward deeper understanding. Multifaceted and benevolent, as complex as mescaline, as intense as LSD – the mushroom teaches the right way to live.”

Particularly significant for Terence was the fact that the psilocybin mushroom returned him to the land of the elf chemists. These latter were curious little Smurfs – ‘psychoactive Munchkins’ is Terence’s term for them – who popped into the space created by another drug, dimethyltryptamine or DMT. The first time he took it he entered an alien dimension, “a brightly lit, non-three-dimensional, self-contorting” place utterly unlike the destinations provided by other drugs he’d taken. “I found myself in the equivalent of the Pope’s private chapel and there were insect elf machines proffering strange little tablets with strange writing on them.”

The elves were full of wisdom and their mode of communication got Terence thinking about how our normal reality is restricted by the way we describe it. “These self-transforming creatures were speaking in a coloured language which condensed into rotating machines that were like Fabergé eggs but crafted out of luminescent super-conducting ceramics and liquid crystal gels.”

Terence hadn’t had DMT since Berkeley. As far he is concerned, it’s the key. Probably the most powerful mind-altering substance known to mankind, making LSD a mere girl’s blouse by comparison, DMT is smoked as a paste or powder and, within a few seconds of inhalation, deposits the user directly in the lap of God for twenty minutes before dropping him back on Earth with the abiding sensation that he’s just dined on Venus. In the sixties it was known as the ‘business-man’s trip’ because you could effect blast off and re-entry within the space of a lunch hour. Even Terence, no namby-pamby when it comes to inner space travel, was spooked by the drug. “I was aghast, completely appalled. My entire expectation of the nature of the world was just being shredded in front of me. I’ve never actually gotten over it.”

Back in the Arrivals hall of Planet Earth, subsection Berkeley, Terence was compelled to start making sense. He was onto something but it needed considerable clarification. Perhaps ayahuasca was the answer. This brew made from the roots of a jungle vine called Banisteriopsis caapi was used by South American Indian shamans and tribespeople to induce visions. Its active ingredient was a chemical in the tryptamine family, like DMT and psilocybin.

Thus it was that, after warming up on Amazonian mushrooms, the explorers prepared to knock long and hard at the portals of elf-world. The Witoto Indians of La Chorrera were kind to the gringo interlopers, presenting them with a bundle of ayahuasca vines and cuttings along with instructions on how to make up an infusion. One evening they ate some mushrooms and smoked some joints rolled out of vine shavings. The cocktail was a success, generating delicate and beautiful hallucinations that the group dubbed “vegetable television.” This state of mind prompted the explorers to hypothesize that shamans and medicine-men had been whipping up these sundowners for each other since the late Palaeolithic.

Terence discussed other new ideas with the group. Early man, he surmised, could not have failed to eat the mushrooms that grew out of the cow dung left by the herds that the ape-men followed. In consequence, an epoch-making transformation occurred. The psilocybin catalysed the emergence of spoken language among the nomad groups, elevating them from their pack-hunters’ reliance on grunts and hand signals.

A little later the mushroom, which had the ability to speak to its clients, had a word in Terence’s inner ear. It told him that it was, in fact, not of this world but had been borne across the vastness of space from a far distant alien civilisation. The mushroom was an inter-galactic communication device, used to accelerate evolution on planets that might be receptive to its molecular message.

Perhaps at this point we should talk about our misgivings. Is Terence McKenna a dangerous and deluded man? Is this reflective and erudite writer spreading seeds of subversion in much the same way as the mushroom claims to be doing? Should we believe these mushrooms anyway?

The standard objections to drugs comprise arguments about addiction, madness and the social byproducts of these states. Ayahuasca can only be concocted in rain forest jungles so the possibility of its spreading to our own country need not concern us. These days our own hallucinogenic drugs, such as LSD and Ecstasy are, on the whole, valued for their recreational potentials. The tryptamine drugs, however, are dramatically anti-social. The user is so comprehensively prostrated by his dosage that the possibility of, say, crime or dancing is out of the question because he is out of this world.

McKenna believes the tryptamines are chemicals with a mission. They come not to bury us but to help us see the world anew. We are, he believes, on the threshold of profound transformations that will involve mankind becoming able to use language that is seen, not spoken. The drugs are gateway lubricants preparing us for our inevitable flight to the stars. It is entirely conceivable that the young and impressionable would wish to savour such mutant delights. It’s probable that their delight would be short-lived. McKenna says of himself “I am not an abuser. Dread is one of the emotions that I feel as I approach the experience. Psychedelic work is like sailing out onto a dark ocean in a little skiff.”

If, nevertheless, we feel censorious urges arising, we might reflect on the ongoing saga of Dennis in the jungle. After partaking of a particularly large pile of mushrooms, Terence’s brother reported hearing a strange, faint sound. Terence asked him to imitate it. Dennis stiffened and suddenly emitted a loud, dry, machine-like buzz. He became very frightened and cried out “I don’t want to become a giant insect!” When he had calmed down he said that an enormous amount of energy had been unleashed with the sound, convincing him that his own voice was directly affecting the rate at which his body processed the drug.

Dennis felt as if he had tapped into some sort of shamanic power. Over the next few days he became fervently, ecstatically possessed with great insights and revelations. He telepathised Terence more than once with unsettling accuracy, he wrote and declaimed fantastic cosmic theories, he asked Terence or Ev to smoke cigarettes for him on the basis that in his expanded realm all human bodies were continuous and he could absorb what he needed from them, without contact. Memorably, he phoned home in the timeless manner already recounted.

We are bound to say that back in the 70s, Dennis, who recovered after a few weeks and is now a respected research pharmacologist, was way out on a schizophrenic limb. Terence would probably chide us for our narrowness of definition. In some cultures what we in the west call schizophrenia is the valued visionary condition of the shaman. So maybe Dennis, maybe Terence too, was seriously intoxicated throughout March, 1971. Have they, nevertheless, anything useful to tell us?

Perhaps use value is the wrong standard to apply. What the McKennas propose may be outlandish but it is certainly fascinating and becomes increasingly topical as the waves of Pre-Millennial Tension start to lap at our ankles. One idea, for instance, that still exercises Terence derives from his experiments with hypercarbolation. “This is what we had named the process of altering the neural DNA and changing man into a hyperdimensional being.To cut a complicated story short, Terence picked up on Dennis’ buzzing and elaborated it into the single most grandiose theory he had ever formulated. Tryptamine drugs, amplified by sound wave input, were capable of permanently rewiring the DNA code inside our every cell. This would result in our being able to convert our thoughts into matter. “We thought,” he wrote, “that the field of mind and its will toward the good could be templated onto the genetic engines of life.”

This is the dream of the magicians, that Spirit shall be unified with Matter. It is the stuff of fairy tales, that our wishes will come true. UFOs are instances of the process operating in a hesitant, unacknowledged way. Death will be defeated as humanity moves freely in and out of the museum of eternity. The human project will reach its culmination and we will roam galaxies, free of pain and suffering.

Terence knows he’s outrageous. In his books he frequently admits the possibility that he is a rewired, deluded, pre-Millennial messianic raver. Just as well, really, given that his work is so easy to deride. In conversation this strategic modesty is replaced by a calm, philosophical certainty which, as the sun sets over the Mall, is replaced by his realisation that the End of Time is only five minutes away. He must go to the conference room and defend another of his startling ideas.

Time Wave Zero is Terence’s newest theory. It gives us all another fifteen years on the planet. On December 12th, 2012, for reasons that are frankly baffling, time, which is structured in waves, will stop. The signs are everywhere and the chaos of the late 20th century signifies that the historical process is winding down. Terence has diagrams – they’re quite hard to understand.

Down in the conference room there is a subtle change in his manner. The courteous professor mutates into the guru. He alludes to his psychedelic heroism in a humorous, self-deprecating way reminiscent of the real ale enthusiast bluffly brushing aside reports of last night’s ten pints. His young audience giggles appreciatively and Terence produces another cascade of philosophy that is just beyond their reach – impressive as display but not quite clear enough to grasp.

After the last question from the floor has been taken, Terence has to hurry to Heathrow for the South African leg of the tour. Gathering up his canvas bag he leaves the congregation with two contradictory instructions “All I say is ‘Don’t believe anything anyone tells you and Take Heroic Doses!'” As he strides for the door, the time wave suddenly delivers an image from the 60s. It is Timothy Leary, garlanded, kaftaned and grinning disarmingly as he instructs us to ‘Turn on, Tune in and Drop Out!’ Is this a wave or is it a cycle?

October 1996

Romeo & Juliet in the Round

(See an introduction to this playlet here )

Leonardo DiCaprio plays Paris, Friar Laurence and Lady Capulet.
CYCLE I
MUSIC: The 20th Century Fox anthem. This is effectively LEO’s signature anthem as it will be used throughout at this point to link each cycle to the next.
LEO Good evening, my name is Leonardo DiCaprio. Call me Leo. Some of you may have seen me in ‘The Beach’. Call me Lenny. I was in a great movie called ‘Titanic’. About a boat? Very sad. But it’s great to be here. Call me Leonardo. That’s what I’m called. Right now I’m involved in a terrifically powerful love story. I hope you like it. Here comes Paris, a Count in distress. His love was extinguished before it even took aflame.
LEO PLAYS PARIS:
PARIS My page lies under yond yew-trees prone
His ear to the chill and hollow ground press’d
Lest those approach who’d find me fond in this,
My mission to bestrew the grave of she
Who groundless makes my love and bids me drift
In seas of obsequy no tide can shift.
WHISTLE OFF
What cursed foot wanders this way to-night,
When stern phantasmal shades do all affright?
PARIS HIDES
ENTER ROMEO
HE FACES THE GRAVE AND ADDRESSES IT IN ANGER
ROMEO Thou detestable maw, thou womb of death,
Gorged with the dearest morsel of the earth,
Thus I enforce thy rotten jaws to open,
And, in despite, I’ll cram thee with more food!
HE OPENS THE TOMB
PARIS This is that banish’d haughty Montague,
That murder’d my love’s cousin, with which grief,
It is supposed, the fair creature died;
And here is come to do some villanous shame
To the dead bodies: I will apprehend him.
PARIS COMES FORWARD
Stop thy unhallow’d toil, vile Montague!
Can vengeance be pursued further than death?
Condemned villain, I do apprehend thee:
Obey, and go with me; for thou must die.
ROMEO I must indeed; and therefore came I hither.
Good gentle youth, tempt not a desperate man;
Put not another sin upon my head,
By urging me to fury: O, be gone!
PARIS I do defy thy conjurations,
And apprehend thee for a felon here.
ROMEO Wilt thou provoke me? Then have at thee, boy!
THEY FIGHT WITH KNIVES
PARIS O, I am slain!
HE FALLS
If thou be merciful,
Open the tomb, lay me with Juliet.
HE DIES.
ROMEO In faith, I will. Let me peruse this face.
Mercutio’s kinsman, noble County Paris!
I’ll bury thee in a triumphant grave;
A grave? O no! a lantern, slaughter’d youth,
For here lies Juliet, and her beauty makes
This vault a feasting presence full of light.
Death, lie thou there, by a dead man interr’d.
HE LAYS PARIS ON THE TOMB (NOT FOR LONG – LEO WILL SOON BE NEEDED TO PLAY FRIAR LAURENCE)
ROMEO THEN TURNS TO JULIET’S BODY
ROMEO O my love! my wife!
Death, that hath suck’d the honey of thy breath,
Hath had no power yet upon thy beauty:
Thou art not conquer’d; beauty’s ensign yet
Is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks,
And death’s pale flag is not advanced there.
Ah, dear Juliet,
Why art thou yet so fair? shall I believe
That unsubstantial death is amorous,
And that the lean abhorred monster keeps
Thee here in dark to be his paramour?
For fear of that, I still will stay with thee;
And never from this palace of dim night
Depart again: here, here will I remain
With worms that are thy chamber-maids; O, here
Will I set up my everlasting rest,
And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars
From this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last!
Arms, take your last embrace! and, lips, O you
The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss
A dateless bargain to engrossing death!
Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavoury guide!
Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on
The dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark!
Here’s to my love!
HE DRINKS THE POISON
O true apothecary!
Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.
HE DIES
ENTER FRIAR LAURENCE, PLAYED BY LEO
F LAURENCE Romeo!
HE ADVANCES
Alack, alack, what blood is this, which stains
The stony entrance of this sepulchre?
What mean these masterless and gory swords
To lie discolour’d by this place of peace?
HE NEARS THE TOMB AND SEES ROMEO’S BODY
Romeo! O, pale! Who else? What, Paris too?
And steep’d in blood? Ah, what an unkind hour
Is guilty of this lamentable chance!
The lady stirs.
JULIET WAKES
JULIET O comfortable friar! where is my lord?
I do remember well where I should be,
And there I am. Where is my Romeo?
F LAURENCE Lady, come from that nest
Of death, contagion, and unnatural sleep:
Come, come away.
Thy husband in thy bosom there lies dead;
And Paris too. Come, go, good Juliet,
I dare no longer stay.
JULIET Go, get thee hence, for I will not away.
EXIT FRIAR LAURENCE
What’s here? a cup, closed in my true love’s hand?
Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end:
O churl! drunk all, and left no friendly drop
To help me after? I will kiss thy lips;
Haply some poison yet doth hang on them,
To make die with a restorative.
KISSES HIM
Thy lips are warm.
SHE SEES ROMEO’S DAGGER AND SNATCHES IT UP
O happy dagger!
This is thy sheath;
SHE STABS HERSELF
there rust, and let me die.
SHE DIES
ENTER LEO PLAYING LADY CAPULET
LADY CAPULET The people in the street cry Romeo,
Some Juliet, and some Paris; and all run,
With open outcry toward our monument.
SEES THE STACK OF BODIES ROUND THE TOMB
O heavens! Look how our daughter bleeds!
This dagger hath mista’en – for, lo, his house
Is empty on the back of Montague,
And it mis-sheathed in my daughter’s bosom!
O me! this sight of death is as a bell,
That warns my old age to a sepulchre.
Never was a story of more woe
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.
EXIT LADY CAPULET
MUSIC: CD ‘In Memoriam’ Track 1: March from Funeral Music for Queen Mary (Purcell)
AFTER A FEW SAD MOMENTS ROMEO STIRS
ROMEO ‘Tis dark! My bones are chill, my eyes…my eyes
Are closed now open, is this the life
That lies beyond life…the grave…is this
Poor paradise its vaults come down to dust?
HE PEERS AROUND HIM
Juliet!
JULIET STIRS
JULIET Romeo! Was this but a dream, thy leached
And bloodless frame convulsed, thy spittle dried
On cheeks that gaped from brittle teeth no
longer set on love but bitten bitter through?
See you now! Are you heart-cease or heart’s ease?
ROMEO Juliet! Love will live again, young hearts will soar,
What is meant in heaven is now earthbound evermore
JULIET O gentle Romeo! All that was lost is now regain’d
Our vows have drawn us back from death unstain’d
MUSIC: CD ‘Discovery’ Daft Punk Track 11: Veridis Quo
ROMEO AND JULIET MOVE SLOWLY TOWARDS EACH OTHER, CLASP HANDS AND WALK STRAIGHT DOWNSTAGE
PARIS STIRS, GROANS AND SLOWLY STANDS UP
PARIS My wound is healed, my flesh refused, the blade
That leaped from Romeo’s sheath was never used
MUSIC: CD ‘Gatecrasher 10 – This Time It’s Digital’ Vol 2 Track 1: ‘Do You Hear Me’ (Indiana)
ROMEO, JULIET AND PARIS, THEIR DIFFERENCES FORGOTTEN, DANCE HAPPILY FOR A WHILE.


CYCLE II
THE DANCE MUSIC FADES AND IS REPLACED BY
LEO’S MUSIC: The 20th Century Fox anthem
JULIET MOVES TO THE TOMB, SMILES RADIANTLY THEN GRACEFULLY TAKES UP HER ORIGINAL ‘DEAD’ POSITION.
ROMEO MOVES TO THE SIDE PRIOR TO HIS NEXT ENTRANCE.
PARIS REVERTS TO LEO AND MOVES DOWN.
LEO Good evening, my name is Leonardo DiCaprio. Call me Leo. Call me up sometime. People never do. They think I won’t answer. They think I’m unobtainable. I’m so pleased to be here tonight. We live in strange times. We need love in these times. And we need to believe in its power. Here’s a story you’ll like. About a couple of young hotheads. One of them was called Paris.
LEO PLAYS PARIS
PARIS There’s a boy that does my garden, sometimes
I take him with me to watch my back, right now his
Ear is to the ground in case who should come along
But someone and me with things to do.
I must put flowers down on the grave
Of one who nearly was my wife
A REFEREE’S WHISTLE IS BLOWN LOUDLY
Now what? Dead of night, citizens tucked up
In comes some rambler looking for a ruck
ENTER ROMEO (MUSIC: Romeo’s anthem: CD ‘Handel Coronation Anthems’ Track 1: ‘Zadok the Priest’)
HE FACES THE GRAVE AND ADDRESSES IT IN ANGER.
HE IS SPIED UPON BY PARIS.
ROMEO This pit fits but I spit on it. The earth
Has swallowed up everything that made
The world go round so now I’ll just get off
I’ll get off the farce of it into the ditch of it
PARIS A Monty! A naughty bastard Monty,
The one that stuck the steel in my love’s
Cousin causing her to melt away, now
He slithers in doubtless wishing to muck
The corpses up as he fishes through them
COMES FORWARD
Stop right there in your blooded tracks, scummish
Monty cute! You wouldn’t let her lie, would you?
The time is come for me to trim your nails
ROMEO Stick it up, space invading waster, all
I need is a push and you’re very much gone
THEY FIGHT WITH KNIVES
MUSIC: CD ‘Kerrang, Best of 2003’ Track 4: ‘Pure Hatred’ (Chimaira)
PARIS You got me! I’m down and out.
ROMEO That’s the big issue, upstart.
PARIS Romeo – before I kick off, lie me next
To Juliet.
ROMEO Why?
PARIS I loved her so and in her heart
I like to think she had a soft spot too.
ROMEO But not for you, Montagony. Still,
I’m not against a dead’un – try your luck.
PARIS DIES.
ROMEO LOWERS HIM ONTO THE TOMB.
Nice enough but not nice enough –
A nicety, I know, but Juliet is a beacon now
And does not need old flames to make her light.
ROMEO THEN TURNS TO JULIET’S BODY
O my darling girl! You’re still warm, your cheeks give to
My touch but there’s not a thought now, not a breath,
No sigh as you roll in your sheet, no murmur from the
caverns of your sleep. Perhaps death draws you down
And dances lightly with you in his unlit halls. But where’s
The fun in that? Juliet, I never wear a hat but my heart’s
Too heavy to move – my life is smashed, the light is gone,
The bulbs have fractured in the frost. Let me crawl where
You have flown, I’ll die at my own cost.
HE TAKES POISON AND DIES.
ENTER FRIAR LAURENCE PLAYED BY LEO
F LAURENCE Anybody in?
What’s all this? The floor’s awash with gore!
And these blades, they’re hardly Swiss
They have one purpose and that is more
Than prising stones from horses’ hooves!
HE NEARS THE TOMB AND SEES THE BODIES
Romeo! Paris! One run through, the other
etched from gut to garter, both pale, drawn
and hung wretched in their quarters.
JULIET MOVES
But the lady stirs…
JULIET WAKES
JULIET O comfortable friar! where is my lord?
I do remember well where I should be,
And there I am. Where is my Romeo?
F LAURENCE Juliet, step away from that tomb. Your husband
Is dead. Paris is dead. Let me guide you from this place
Of slaughter before it takes us all.
JULIET Go! Get away! Don’t touch me!
EXIT FRIAR LAURENCE
What’s here? a cup, closed in my true love’s hand?
Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end:
O churl! drunk all, and left no friendly drop
To help me after? I will kiss thy lips;
Haply some poison yet doth hang on them,
To make die with a restorative.
KISSES HIM
Thy lips are warm.
SHE SEES ROMEO’S DAGGER
Romeo! I’ll drive you in me!
Sink you to my heart and see you!
SHE PLUNGES THE DAGGER INTO HER CHEST AND DIES.
MUSIC: CD ‘In Memoriam’ Track 9: ‘Funeral March’ (Chopin)
ENTER LADY CAPULET
LADY CAPULET
Romeo! Juliet! Paris! They all call it!
They run through the streets! Wild-eyed!
SHE SEES THE BODIES
Oh God! My daughter bleeds! She carries Romeo
To her heart, his sheath is shot, his eyes rolled up.
Beside him Paris, gaping from his slit.
Never was a tale of more regret
Than Romeo and his Juliet.
MUSIC: CD ‘In Memoriam’ Track 1: March from Funeral Music for Queen Mary (Purcell)
EXIT LADY CAPULET.
AFTER A FEW SAD MOMENTS ROMEO STIRS
MUSIC: SOMETHING FROM CD OF DISNEY ‘ANGELIC CHORUSES’.
ROMEO Is this paradise or is it hell?
Did I fall? Have I flown?
SEES JULIET’S BODY
There’s Juliet, still prone, the blood’s gone from her cheek
JULIET STIRS
And wets her breast but even as I speak
She moves as if a dream had taken her
Or is it just some spectre puppeting
His ghoulish team?
JULIET WAKES UP
JULIET Romeo! I saw ten thousand angels and each one cried
‘Juliet! Go back! There is none here who can love you
On our side – go back, nobody deserves to die!’
ROMEO Juliet! Love will live again, young hearts will soar,
What is meant in heaven is now earthbound evermore
JULIET O gentle Romeo! We live to love and love undoes
The world and all the laws. We fall into our bodies once again
Yet wingëd now we soar above all pain.
MUSIC: CD ‘Discovery’ Daft Punk Track 11: Veridis Quo
ROMEO AND JULIET MOVE SLOWLY TOWARDS EACH OTHER, CLASP HANDS AND WALK STRAIGHT DOWNSTAGE
PARIS STIRS, GROANS AND SLOWLY STANDS UP
PARIS Is death a lie? Or life a perjury?
My gash is whole yet there’s no surgery.
MUSIC: CD ‘Gatecrasher 10 – This Time It’s Digital’ Vol 2 Track 1: ‘Do You Hear Me’ (Indiana)
ROMEO, JULIET AND PARIS, THEIR DIFFERENCES FORGOTTEN, DANCE HAPPILY FOR A WHILE.

CYCLE III
THE DANCE MUSIC FADES AND IS REPLACED BY
LEO’S MUSIC: The 20th Century Fox anthem
JULIET MOVES TO THE TOMB, SMILES RADIANTLY THEN GRACEFULLY TAKES UP HER ORIGINAL ‘DEAD’ POSITION AS ROMEO MOVES TO THE SIDE PRIOR TO HIS NEXT ENTRANCE AND PARIS REVERTS TO LEO AND MOVES DOWN
LEO Hi. I’m Leo. A lot of you have seen my stuff and I guess it’s fair to say that many of you think of me as somehow so near yet so far. If only you knew. The greater the glamour the more it enwraps us. Is that too high-flown? What I mean is: those on the mountain-top can be just as lonely. Like Steve McQueen used to say: altitude is altitude, it doesn’t have to be high. Do you like stories? Here’s one coming along right now…
LEO PLAYS PARIS
PARIS I need to put some flowers down.
My boy will keep an ear out.
A REFEREE’S WHISTLE IS BLOWN LOUDLY
Aye aye!
PARIS HIDES.
ROMEO ENTERS
MUSIC: Romeo’s anthem: CD ‘Handel Coronation Anthems’ Track 1: ‘Zadok the Priest’
HE FACES THE GRAVE AND ADDRESSES IT IN ANGER.
HE IS SPIED UPON BY PARIS.
ROMEO All that’s left is rage. The grave breaks me.
PARIS Here’s my chance to cut the ague from a wandering Mont
And heal the ancient wound with blood.
COMES FORWARD
Freeze, bandigeek and vastopont!
Trouble me with your blade or else
Shorten your life without preamble!
ROMEO Prick me now, gay Paree!
I have a shaft for your boulevard.
THEY FIGHT WITH KNIVES
MUSIC: CD ‘Kerrang, Best of 2003’ Track 4: ‘Pure Hatred’ (Chimaira)
PARIS You got me! So young, so short,
My life is taken all in sport.
ROMEO Have you finished?
PARIS I beg you, let me lie with Juliet
Place me on the plinth of darkness
ROMEO I grant what you will as is my wont.
PARIS DIES.
ROMEO LOWERS HIM ONTO THE TOMB.
HE THEN TURNS TO JULIET’S BODY, BREAKS DOWN AND WEEPS
Juliet! The links have sheared, I’m dropping
Like a hawk whose prey is finity.
Will you know my name when I see you?
Do you look back?
Let me hold you, Juliet, let me hold you!
My ship is run its race, I shall go down.
HE TAKES POISON AND DIES
JULIET STIRS
JULIET Romeo? Romeo! Where is my lord?
SHE SEES ROMEO’S BODY AND SCREAMS
Poison hath been his timeless end:
I will kiss thy lips;
Haply some drop yet doth hang on them,
I am black, I am blank.
KISSES HIM
Thy lips are warm.
SHE SEES ROMEO’S DAGGER
Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
SHE PLUNGES THE DAGGER INTO HER CHEST AND DIES.
MUSIC: CD ‘In Memoriam’ Track 9: ‘Funeral March’ (Chopin)
ENTER LADY CAPULET
SHE SEES THE BODIES IMMEDIATELY
LADY CAPULET Oh God! My daughter bleeds!
Never was a sadder tale
Than this sweet girl and two pale males.
MUSIC: CD ‘In Memoriam’ Track 1: March from Funeral Music for Queen Mary (Purcell)
EXIT LADY CAPULET.
AFTER A FEW SAD MOMENTS ROMEO STIRS
MUSIC: SOMETHING FROM CD OF DISNEY ‘ANGELIC CHORUSES’.
ROMEO I’m back! It’s like I never went! Death is just a ring road!
JULIET STIRS
And Juliet! Juliet! My only love awakes!
JULIET Oh, Romeo! I missed you so! I thought I’d never get away!
It’s so dark down there!
ROMEO Were you scared, my sweet?
JULIET Not a lot – I heard you call
And thought ‘Why not?’
MUSIC: CD ‘Discovery’ Daft Punk Track 11: Veridis Quo
ROMEO AND JULIET MOVE SLOWLY TOWARDS EACH OTHER, CLASP HANDS AND WALK STRAIGHT DOWNSTAGE
PARIS STIRS, GROANS AND SLOWLY STANDS UP
JULIET Look at Paris! He’s back too!
PARIS I must have nodded off.
JULIET Do you know Romeo?
PARIS We’ve knocked around together.
ROMEO Nice to see you again.
MUSIC: CD ‘Gatecrasher 10 – This Time It’s Digital’ Vol 2 Track 1: ‘Do You Hear Me’ (Indiana)
ROMEO, JULIET AND PARIS, THEIR DIFFERENCES FORGOTTEN, DANCE HAPPILY FOR A WHILE.

CYCLE IV
THE DANCE MUSIC FADES AND IS REPLACED BY
LEO’S MUSIC: The 20th Century Fox anthem
JULIET MOVES TO THE TOMB, SMILES RADIANTLY THEN GRACEFULLY TAKES UP HER ORIGINAL ‘DEAD’ POSITION AS ROMEO MOVES TO THE SIDE PRIOR TO HIS NEXT ENTRANCE AND PARIS REVERTS TO LEO AND MOVES DOWN.
LEO Leo here.
ROMEO BEARS DOWN ON LEO WITH A KNIFE
MUSIC: Romeo’s anthem: CD ‘Handel Coronation Anthems’ Track 1: ‘Zadok the Priest’
ROMEO Up!
LEO WHIPS OUT HIS BLADE
LEO Come on, little boy…
THEY FIGHT WITH KNIVES
MUSIC: CD ‘Kerrang, Best of 2003’ Track 4: ‘Pure Hatred’ (Chimaira)
LEO I’m a goner.
ROMEO ‘Bye.
LEO DIES
ROMEO SEE JULIET’S BODY AND ROARS IN ANGUISH
ROMEO Juliet!
HE TAKES POISON AND DIES
JULIET STIRS, WAKES UP, SEES ROMEO’S BODY.
JULIET Romeo!
SHE SEIZES HIS DAGGER AND KILLS HERSELF.
MUSIC: CD ‘In Memoriam’ Track 9: ‘Funeral March’ (Chopin)
ENTER LADY CAPULET
SHE SEES THE BODIES IMMEDIATELY
LADY CAPULET It’s all so sad.
MUSIC: CD ‘In Memoriam’ Track 1: March from Funeral Music for Queen Mary (Purcell)
EXIT LADY CAPULET.
ROMEO STIRS, WAKES UP.
MUSIC: SOMETHING FROM CD OF DISNEY ‘ANGELIC CHORUSES’.
ROMEO It’s fantastic.
JULIET STIRS
JULIET Amazing!
MUSIC: CD ‘Discovery’ Daft Punk Track 11: Veridis Quo
ROMEO AND JULIET MOVE SLOWLY TOWARDS EACH OTHER, CLASP HANDS AND WALK STRAIGHT DOWNSTAGE
PARIS STIRS, GROANS AND SLOWLY STANDS UP.
HE MOVES TO ROMEO & JULIET. THEY ALL HUG.
MUSIC: CD ‘Gatecrasher 10 – This Time It’s Digital’ Vol 2 Track 1: ‘Do You Hear Me’ (Indiana)
ROMEO, JULIET AND PARIS, THEIR DIFFERENCES FORGOTTEN, DANCE HAPPILY FOR A WHILE.


CYCLE V
THE MUSIC CONTINUES.
PARIS REVERTS TO LEO AND STEPS FORWARD
LEO I’m Leo.
ROMEO STEPS FORWARD
ROMEO I’m Romeo
JULIET STEPS FORWARD
JULIET I’m Juliet
SHE WALKS TO THE TOMB AND LIES DOWN ON IT
ROMEO STABS LEO.
LEO DIES.
ROMEO SEES JULIET AND TAKES POISON.
JULIET WAKES WITH A VIOLENT START LIKE A DISTURBED ZOMBIE.
SHE SEES ROMEO, SCREAMS AND STABS HERSELF WITH HIS KNIFE.
ROMEO WAKES UP.
JULIET WAKES UP.
PARIS WAKES UP.
THEIR DIFFERENCES FORGOTTEN THEY DANCE HAPPILY FOR A WHILE.


CYCLE VI
THE MUSIC CONTINUES. THEY KEEP ON DANCING.
THEN ROMEO STABS LEO, WHO DIES.
THEN JULIET DIES ON THE TOMB.
THEN ROMEO SEES HER AND DRINKS POISON.
THEN JULIET WAKES UP, SEES ROMEO AND STABS HERSELF.
ROMEO WAKES UP.
JULIET WAKES UP.
PARIS WAKES UP.
THEIR DIFFERENCES FORGOTTEN THEY DANCE HAPPILY FOR A WHILE AS THE HOUSE LIGHTS COME UP AND THE AUDIENCE IS USHERED OUT.
THERE IS NO END – THEY KEEP DANCING FOREVER.

2004

Lounging for Life – Alfred Merhan & the Boutique Level

Alfred Merhan gets up around eight in the morning, has a wash and a shave then strolls to the nearest bar for a coffee. More often than not he will pick up an English language newspaper such as the Herald Tribune or the New York Times then, when he has finished his coffee, take the paper back to his table and read it carefully, puffing on his pipe and jotting notes in his journal. At lunchtime Alfred will walk over to Burger King for some frites and an Ocean Burger, which will cost him just under 30 Francs. Since he doesn’t take supper, he will spend the rest of the day writing, studying books from his library, listening to his radio or talking with people who drop by. At about three in the morning he will settle down for the night.

Alfred Merhan spends the night in a torn nylon sleeping bag on a plastic covered bench. He has been sleeping in the same place for ten years and has conducted his daily life in the same pattern several thousand times. His bench and table are part of the furniture of the Boutiquaire – the Boutique Level, a ring of shops and restaurants arranged around a fountain below the Departure Lounge in Terminal One of Charles de Gaulle airport, a few kilometres north of Paris. He keeps his books in five grey Lufthansa transit boxes and his newspapers in a white plastic sack. Alfred is not a tramp – they don’t allow tramps in airports. Alfred is a man without papers.

When asked the whereabouts of ‘the Iranian who has lived here for ten years’, staff at Charles de Gaulle invariably suppress an ambiguous smile before giving directions. Alfred’s story is so bizarre that it seems to evoke both awe and puzzlement in those who constitute his neighbours. He is readily identifiable from a distance, not because of his appearance, or even the unlikely mound of boxes stacked on the trolley beside him. It is his air of absorption that gives him away – a patient, studious and ensconced manner that distinguishes him from the flustered travellers who mill around him.

Alfred has found stillness where others see only transit. Working spills of twisted paper into the barrel of his pipe, he tells his tale evenly and with little emotion. “In 1988 I came by train from Belgique and lost all my documents in the railway station. I could not return to Belgique. My identity papers were British but the embassy would not replace them. I don’t know why.” Alfred speaks English, softly and haltingly. He has black wavy hair down to his shirt collar, a bald head, long pork chop sideburns, hollow cheeks and dark, mournful eyes. That he is not gibbering dementedly or pacing like a caged beast is remarkable. A moment of carelessness in the Gare du Nord has stripped him not just of the pieces of paper that tell others who he is but has delivered him into a space where there is absolutely nothing to support his own sense of identity.

“I went to London but I was deported immediately,” Alfred continues. “I appealed to them but it was three years before the appeal was heard. In 1992 there was also an interdiction from France: I could not stay in this country. Already I had been in the airport for four years and now I must live here – it is an International Zone.” Without a passport, without the papers once issued to him in Brussels by the U.N. High Commissioner for Refugees, Alfred is a non-person. What better to settle in, therefore, than a non-place?

Born in Denmark, Alfred studied Psychology as an undergraduate in Tehran. After graduating in 1974 he lived in London for a short time before taking an M.A. in Yugoslavian Studies at the University of Bradford. It seems in rather poor taste to ask him if he sees any fatal parallels between the fate of benighted Yugoslavia and his own situation.

While waiting for his French appeal to be heard, Alfred established the patterns that now totally define his existence. Francless, he was dependent on the kindness of strangers. Airport staff would give him food vouchers, curious travellers would buy him drinks and he had first refusal on a steady stream of abandoned international newspapers. When kindly passengers actually gave him money he would buy batteries for his radio and his cassette player. “I like very much techno music. Also American Country and Western and 50s rock’n’roll. Also 60s music: Frank Sinatra, Tom Jones. The Beatles.” He pauses then nods thoughtfully, “Yes, and Bee Gees.”

One of his few regular acquaintances is the airport chaplain, Jean Bessett. Alfred is not religious but the Chaplaincy is only a few yards from his favourite table and makes a change from the numbingly familiar view of the boutique that sells fussy designer baggage and Hermes scarves. Monsieur Bessett has talked with Alfred for about half an hour a week for the last three years. He quickly dispels any notion that his goal is simply to harvest another vagrant soul. ‘Monsieur Merhan does not want to go out of Charles de Gaulle airport,’ Bessett declares. It is comfortable. Everybody knows him. He has food. He can sit. There are certain advantages. ‘He has no other choices, does he? He considers that he is one who is not allowed to go somewhere else. It is in his mind but it is not the truth.’

The truth, where Alfred is concerned, turns out to be a fickle and elastic quantity. Some of its fundamental aspects are not as immutable as convention demands. The matter of Denmark, for example, Alfred’s place of birth. One would imagine that an appeal for replacement papers would not be problematic for such a liberal country. Bessett dismisses the suggestion out of hand. ‘His mother is British. He has an Iranian father. Nobody knows if the idea of Denmark is true.’

Whatever the confusions, not to say outright contradictions, introduced by the Chaplain, Alfred is exquisitely trapped. Like the submarine bacteria that live next to outpourings of molten lava, he has found an ecological niche in the most stifling milieu. Does he not dream of freedom? ‘Freedom is not a dream. Freedom is freedom.’ He smiles wanly and sips at a lager the reporter has purchased for him. ‘When I lost my papers I asked for duplicates. She said no. That is not a dream – it’s a challenge. I have never heard of a person with a situation like mine.’

Reaching over to his trolley for a sheaf of lined foolscap and a ballpoint pen, Alfred starts making notes. A discreet craning of the neck establishes he is writing in English. The first word he has written is ‘Freedom…’ While he is clearly engaged by philosophical matters, the more Alfred talks of them the less animated he becomes. His plans for the future, on the other hand, are delivered with enthusiasm. “This year, maybe, I will go to America,” he declares. “My lawyer is trying to get papers. I would like to study there – computers for business or maybe a diplomatic job.”

Christian Bourguet, Alfred’s lawyer, has been working on his client’s case since 1989. He too is taken aback by the news of Alfred’s country of origin. “Denmark! That is incredible. He was born in 1950 in Maghid Soleiman, a small town in the northwest of Iran. His name is Merhan Karimi Nasseri. His father was a doctor working for the Anglo-Iranian Oil Company. At that time the country round Maghid was run by a British governor: this is the basis for Merhan’s British citizenship.” Bourguet rattles off Alfred’s case history at tremendous speed, as one would expect of a man who has patiently rehearsed the bizarre details before a succession of highly specialised courts.

The lawyer explains that after the death of Alfred’s father in 1972, his mother presented him with a startling confession. She was, in fact, not his mother at all. That position had been taken by the British nurse, working for the oil company, with whom his father had had an affair. Under Iranian law, a child born in adultery has no rights at all and, in times past, was routinely killed off. Alfred’s mother warned him that if he attempted to claim rights in his father’s estate she would oppose him in court and tell the authorities about the nurse.

Cruel but fair, the mother spelled out a deal: renounce your rights, leave the country and we’ll pay for three years’ study in Britain. In his third year at Bradford University, Alfred stopped receiving money. He phoned home, got no answer, so flew to Tehran where he was immediately arrested by Savak, the Shah of Iran’s notorious secret police. They accused him of taking part in anti-Shah demonstrations in Britain, beat him up and threw him in jail for four months. “Eventually his family bought him out,” says Bourguet. “This time they said he must go away for ever. They got him a special passport for emigration only. He cannot go back. From 1976 he wanders through Europe for five years, asking for asylum. He is refused in every country. In 1981 the High Commission for Refugees in Brussels admitted him as a refugee.”

After five years in Brussels, where he wrote and studied but had no employment, Merhan received some extraordinary news. Were this a fairy tale rather than a Kafkaesque narrative of gloom, the much abused refugee should now have found lifelong happiness. He had found out that his mother was Scottish, lived in Glasgow and was called Simon. Or possibly Simone, if it were her first name.

Alfred determined to go to Glasgow to find his mother. He packed his bags and then made an astounding mistake. “He gets a ferry ticket to Britain,” Bourguet explains. “He thought that he didn’t need his papers anymore.” The pitch of the lawyer’s voice rises in disbelief as he moves to the punchline. “He took his refugee card, his titre de voyage, which is a sort of passport for refugees, and his Belgian permit of residence. On board the boat he put all these in an envelope and sent them back to the High Commission.” Bourguet pauses dramatically, with some justification. “It was crazy, but he did it.”

At Dover, Alfred, without papers, was bounced back to Belgium. In Belgium, without papers, they wouldn’t let him in. Alfred told them he had papers. They said “Not any more. You left of your own free will.”

Alfred went to France. They arrested him for illegal immigration and jailed him for four months. On release he flew to Britain, from Charles de Gaulle airport. He was sent back to France, arrested and given five months in jail. On release he flew to Britain and was refused entry. Returning to France he was arrested and given five months in jail.

Bourguet took up the case. By this time Alfred had been living in Charles de Gaulle for three months. For several years the case was hauled through the French courts. Initially Alfred was found guilty again but Bourguet launched an appeal, got a delay and, in this time, established that the High Commission in Belgium was actually in possession of Alfred’s refugee card. The French court said it would give Alfred the papers he needs if he could produce the original of this card. The Belgians said he could have it but they refused to send it by post: Alfred must go and retrieve it.

Alfred won’t go. He is convinced he will be refused entry and end up in jail again. The Belgians clarified their offer. Alfred can settle in Belgium if he wishes, and they will give him money. Alfred doesn’t believe them. Bourguet has offered to drive Alfred to Belgium and stay with him until everything is sorted out. The airport doctor has made a similar offer. Alfred will not budge.

“Look,” says Bourguet, “if he goes to Brussels he will get a titre de voyage and a permit and he can go to Britain. They cannot refuse him. I will go with him. The TV teams will follow it all. He might even find his mother! If…if he goes to Brussels!”

If Alfred tries the patience of those who would help him this is because his own forbearance has been tested to an extreme. Cast out by his family, then his country, then by most of Europe, he managed to build himself a redoubt against the damning sense of his disposability. The price he seems to have paid is his capacity to remember what freedom is really like.

The chaplain is not sanguine. “He has lost the notion of time. He does not speak his own language anymore. Every time I speak to him I challenge what he is telling me. But it is always the same. There is no evolution.” Does he think Alfred is mad? “He is not mad,” says Bessett. “The fact that he is in the same place means everything is getting narrower. He moves from his seat to the bathroom and back. I’ve never seen him anywhere else – he behaves like a man in prison. His world is getting smaller and smaller and so is his mind. He is becoming like a shadow which is less and less visible. What can you say? Il s’efface. (He is effacing himself.)”

Alfred, who was never in Denmark, finishes his lager. “Last week an ex-student from Bradford came through here.” His voice grows even softer. “I had everything then. Many books. My bed in the student residence. I had TV. I played table tennis, swimming and football.” He gazes across the bustling Boutiquaire, lost in thought. Just one last question then: is there anything you have gained from all this? The answer comes without hesitation. “Yes. The lack of a life.”