Me Ree


I like a Knock Knock joke (Little old lady who? I didn’t know you could yodel) but I have no time for riddles and puzzles. It seems to me that we have been delivered into the state we know as Life and it is a difficult thing. Why would you add to this difficulty by spending time on a riddle or puzzle? Whenever I am riddled I go “Don’t know” and then when I hear the answer I go “Oh”. Gets them out of the way.

For the recent ‘Dining with Alice’ project I was asked by the director, who loves riddles, puzzles and jigsaws, to compose some riddles, in the Alician manner, for placing on the dining tables in order to divert the diners. I said I could do it if I didn’t have to come up with the answers. Deal.

Here they are, in the order in which they were written:
And is there pie in these tall halls?
If the raven is ravenous what of the otter?
Whither the philanthrope?
Of what packed lunch is this lost carton?
What, in the name of crikey?
Will Jack see Jill across the crowded platform?
Does the clock still tick its deathless tock?
What did the dodo?
What has Peter got, three arms and fits in a paper bag?
I have a full stop. What am I?
What is this tall?
My first is insane, my second incense. Am I?
Is this the way to treat the Home Counties?
Which well known ballroom begins with a polka?
My first is incredible, my second in Cardiff. Is it?
If the party of the first part parts, is the second party depressing?
A man takes three years to paint a room. What kind of man is this?
A girl and a boy climb a tree. Whom shall we inform?
Is the wombat the female of bat or is this a rumour?
Why does the pony trek?
I am my brother and my sister. How is this possible?
When is a jar not a jar?
How many light bulbs does it take to change society?
Is this the way to carry on?
What is black and white and a camel?
Why did the man eat regularly?
Why did the condiment?
Is an artist palatable?
What is the difference between a concept and a catacomb?
Why is the dog only visible from a considerable distance?
Shall we take the air?
Three men step into the road. Will they get there?
I am surrounded by trees. Who am I?
Is this strictly true or merely strict? Explain.
When will whatever will be be?
I have two arms, a personality, and some pets. What more could I want?
The rich man has it in spades. The gardener shelters in the hut. What?
If this is an answer then what is the question?
A dog licks a man’s elbow. Here, boy?
My car is in second and I am in pieces. What is it?
Look! There! On the horizon! Is it a bird?
Here today, gone fishing. Is that all there is?
What is between a difference and the same again?
When are the rough ready?
What is the difference between a rope, a string, a cord, a fibre, a thread, a hawser, and a cabinet?
What is the difference between a cord and a card?
What is the difference between a kid and a cod?
What paper is it that is widely discussed but never eaten?
What is this that I am holding?
Where is the station?
A man sees a dagger before him. What day is it?
What is the difference between Swedish and this?
A three year old digs a hole. Under what circumstances is this permissible?
What is that lives in a burrow, drives a car and eats blancmange?