The Grand Parent

Julian’s ‘madness’ – diagnosed at the time as a variant of paranoid schizophrenia – seemed to involve two modes of suffering. One comprised an immersion in complicated fusions of London geography, centres of power and the pervasiveness of dark forces that sought to foment a race war. He saw evidence of such conspiracies everywhere during his long, daily wandering through the city and had devised a special circuit that took him past powerful places, enabling him to develop some sort of immunity against the darkness. He clearly passed much of his time in a state of great anxiety but there were times when he was mad and an ironic commentator on his condition at the same time.

Buckingham Palace, for example, was an important power point and Julian would push through the crowds of tourists, grasp the gates and roar “Mummy!” with all the vocal force that his actor’s training afforded him.

He told me of these exploits in one of his ‘down’ periods and I laughed out loud. Not only had he crystallised and exploited some of the normally occluded mechanisms of the joke engine but he’d overridden the popular notion that crazy people don’t know what they’re doing. Julian was immensely entertaining at the best of times and now, when things were dreadful, his wit and his skills remained intact, countering the assumption that to be mad was to be comprehensively out to lunch.

 07.08.2021

Pampas Season 2: part 2

2.46 “Weird scenes inside the gold mine,” I said to myself. I had been getting used to the tight demarcation of Brogan’s capacities. That she would throw burning men from buildings was one thing (see Pampas 2.24); that she had, in any wise, a hinterland ran counter to my sense of sense. When Brogan intimated that I was, in some way, familiar to her beyond the purview of our brief acquaintance, there were only two respectable explanations. 1. That her perimeter was porous whereas I had considered it thoroughly circumscribed 2. That we had had prior business in her capacity as ‘Brogan’ of the heavily streamed and boxed ‘Brogan’. “Brogan, let me say this: no way am I your cousin. Okay?” I said.

2.47 So I went down the stairs to get Jean and Max. I was looking forward to seeing them greatly. I first met them in 1979 then lost touch for 24 years then lost touch again. (The exploits of investigators Jean Pool and Max Cope were first examined in the documentary play ‘Jean Pool’ – a tribute presented by the Lumiere & Son Theatre Company.) Now, another 12 years on, they had knocked on the door of the apartment to which Brogan had access when she was waiting for the next thing. Perhaps they would be able to get to the bottom of the terrible burning out from within of Big Vague Michael (see Pampas 2.39). Or the drifting away of the still, barely lightly breathing Amy on the floor curled up. Of their type they were the tops. If anyone could sift the solute from the solvent, it was they.

2.48 It is apposite that this morning, Andy Wilson, director of key episodes of ‘Ripper Street’ and ‘Wallander’, should have enquired kindly about Hugh, whom he knew well in the heyday of Jean and Max’s ascension to prominence in the field of collaborative investigation wherein Max would theorise quickly from the facts as he saw them whereas Jean would see the local in terms of its relation to the pattern, the scheme, the grand elusive overall. It was the loss by Hugh of his diary (not his calendar, Andy) that led to some of the finest work of the inquisitive partnership. Hugh hit it off with Susan, who lived near the equator. It was she who partially resolved his anxiety by taking him to a number of stationery shops.

2.49 I had never seen them in the street before. Jean. Taller than Max by some way. The tumbling hair. The age she had been she was. And Max too, no change in his height. And as if the years had not passed through him. “David, we never die,” said Jean. Her deep voice. I said, shaking my head, tearful “You don’t, Jean, you don’t.” Max took my hand. “No. It’s really good,” he said. Still muttering. Terrific tailoring. I clasped them both to me and they me to them. I put my hands round the backs of their necks and stood away. I was shaking my head. And I hadn’t even asked. It was because of Brogan. “She’s upstairs,” I said. “She really loves your work.”

2.50 So Jean and Max (see Strength Weekly Long Read and Seasonal Treat ) came up the stairs with me and there was Brogan. Who knew them. They exclaimed and hugged, said “Wow!”, shook their heads like I had (see Pampas 2.49). Max got out a sealed packet of frozen Cinnamon Buns from the Ikea food section just beyond the checkout at least it is in the Wembley one. “Why are they so cold?” Brogan asked. “You have to heat them up,” explained Max, “They come from Sweden.” Brogan said “I’m not Swedish (see Pampas 2.43).” Max heated them and when Brogan bit one she threw up.

2.51 Max was taken aback. “It’s just a bun,” he protested. Brogan was supporting herself on the arm of the cream sofa, onto which she had voided the morsel. “She doesn’t eat,” she gasped. “Who?” Max and I said in unison. “Brogan,” she replied, “Did you ever see her eat?” “You don’t eat?” Max, nonplussed. “It’s never been the next thing. She only does the next thing.” The next thing we knew, Brogan straightened up and was gone. “Keira!” I cried. Because there she was. “Johnny. Wow. I’m fucking starving. What have you got?” said Keira. Then she hugged me. “Who’s Johnny?” asked Jean.

2.52 I had to think fast. “She calls me Johnny,” I blurted. “So much better than Colin,” offered Keira. “That’s got to be true,” Max confirmed. “I never called him Colin,” Jean went. “That’s two of us then,” Keira a dit. Jean goes “Did they shoot those horses?” “What? In the movie?” asks Keira surprised. “I suppose they couldn’t take them home,” Jean concluded. “You had that great dress,” Max goes, “The green one.” Jean goes “I was in Entre Rios, on the pampas, the gauchos have the bolas in addition to the lariat. They call the cows ‘Hola Agustin! Hola Victor!’ and if the cows do not come they entangle them, tripping them by their thin ankles on the evening plains.”

2.53 “We thought we’d see Brogan,” Max said. “She was sick on the sofa,” I said. Jean glanced across the room, “Looks alright.” Keira is looking around too. “What is this place? A show home?” “It’s Brogan’s,” I said. Max shook his head “She had a place in a mews. Full of knickknacks.” “As far as I can tell,” I mused “It’s kind of where she came in between things.” “Like the green room,” suggested Keira. “Not quite. But sort of,” I said. “Anyway!” Keira yelled, “I could eat a scabby horse between two bread vans.” “What about Nando’s?” Max went. “Love it.” Keira swept us down the stairs.

2.54 “David,” began Jean in the cab. “Who’s David?” enquired Keira. This time round I thought better of blurting out a response and went instead for a measure of half truth. But before I even began to speak I had to work out how to deal with the accent problem. Keira expected me to have an American accent but Jean and Max knew me as British. I decided, with no great originality, to go for mid-Atlantic. I have a Canadian friend who has lived in the UK for thirty years or more and speaks with an English turn of phrase rendered in a faint drawl that places him beyond these shores yet fails to make landfall in the west. As a model this could be useful, but perhaps only to a skilled mimic. It is indeed both a blessing and a curse to bear an uncanny resemblance to an A-list Hollywood film star.

2.55 “Well, Keira,” I said in the cab to Nando’s, “First we must conjure a time when all phones, known then as telephones, were attached to the wall with a wire. Of the various marks of sophistication to which the aspiring sophisticate might aspire was the longer wire, consisting of twined, fabric-covered cords and enabling the caller to step at least three or four feet away from the fixed body. Similarly impressive was the advent, in 1979, of water in a bottle. Those of us emerging from Austerity 1.0 had been used to walking from one building, such as the home, to another, such as another home, without experiencing thirst. Had we, en route, become thirsty which, by and large, we did not, we could not, using the Favourites list, send a message ahead requesting that a glass of water be taken from the tap in readiness for our arrival.”

2.56 I could tell that Keira was fascinated by my account of the social hydraulics of the simpler times. She pressed her slender, wiry frame – I thought of Amy – against me in the cab, as I continued to expatiate. “In common with all children I was urged by my parents not to hesitate, when feeling thirsty, to knock on the door of a passing house and politely ask for a glass of water. Often the householders would invite the child in, pressing biscuits and fancies upon them and sometimes unopened Christmas presents resulting from sad bereavements. I was shown lawns, wedding dresses and carving tools while my friend Susan saw radios, a spaniel and lavender. In this way communities were forged, their bonds enduring after the manner of what were then the new epoxy glues.”

2.57 “In fact, on one occasion,” I recalled, “Susan, having walked from one town to the next one along, started to feel the beginnings of thirst. She turned into the gateway of Christine and Christopher Gilchrist whose friends, Susan would learn, called them both Chris. Chris opened the door and without hesitating agreed to arrange a glass of water. Chris sat her down and Susan slipped her socks off. Susan said “Is your name an adjective?” and Chris said “Not in my case.” “Phew for that,” a dit Sue. “Do you know oude genever, Susan?” enquired Chris. “The Swittish city,” Sue a dit reasonably confidently. Chris laughed in a non-condescending way. “It’s actually a pleasant drink,” he said, “From the Netherlands.” Max said “I see where you’re going now.” Keira said “You’re well ahead of me then, Max.”

2.58 Susan sipped and savoured the small drink but felt it was too raspy for her tastes. Some time later I too had occasion to walk to that town and chanced to knock for water at Christine and Christopher Gilchrist’s. Christine said that Susan, who had her own room at the Gilchrist’s, had gone to Eindhoven in the Netherlands. I went into a bar in De Markt where there are many bars and in the winter a rink and in the spring stalls. In a low-ceilinged one with green light I approached a man and woman and said “I am looking eagerly for Susan.” The man said “She’s gone. But I’m Max and this is my associate Jean.” Soon Susan was just something that happened and I began to relish my chance acquaintances.

2.59 Max explained that Jean had a capacity to evaluate in depth both the vital and the morbid signs of individuals and groups by considering the tremors which immersed them. These engulfings, explained Max, were not to be confused with the ray, the waves, the force field, the spirit level, the plumb bob, the bridle of the tidal, the outgush, the secret life of flow and eddy, certain glands. He gave an example, “It’s like – how can we dance when our earth is turning? How do we sleep while our beds are burning?” He nodded, straightened his tie, chartreuse on a fern pinpoint oxford, glanced at his links. He said “I go more for the footprint, the stain.” Jean said “Max would press a key in wax.”

2.60 And Roy, of course, is a drifter. Essentially a drifter. Of no fixity. And now that he is allowed up (which is not to suggest that, had he not been genuinely incapacitated as a result of the colliding, he would have heeded the mild admonitions of the nurses: he would not, as we have come to expect, have given a fuck) he has taken to wandering the wards, eager to bench test the healing powers he had acquired since gaining access to the cleaning cupboards adjacent to the buffing machine bay wherein he had found the silicon-based mould release agents which, applied in gel form to the gums and fingered into the nostrils, brought about a purging so intense that it descaled sclerosis at every level of his being and put Roy in touch with his inner Christ.

PAMPAS: PRODUCT RECALL
A post on the Pampas series dated 11/02/16 was removed from this location on 12/02/16 due to an unevenness of quality that in the view of the Editor constituted a reputational risk.
Readers are advised that the Editor of Pampas seeks to maintain only the highest standards for the series. The series is, furthermore, subjected to rigorous quality control procedures prior to each episode publication.

2.61 Let no one imagine that Roy was a creature of impulse. Despite his preference for the forest gladeless, he was not a sociopath. He looked down on those fetid nomads and their fireworks, foot soldiers of fuckup, peevish outbursters commando in their polyester, call him Rover he comes when you whistle. Accordingly, when the medical social worker, finding the psychopath Roy unforthcoming when she enquired as to whether he would like to talk to her in confidence about anything that might be troubling him, suggested that he keep a Feelings Journal, he did not gank her though his stare was rather cold.

2.62 Instead, Roy fell to considering his livid spots. These were not issues that might compel him to declare “Actually I have a problem with that” but the patches of inflamed flesh that, since he had opened himself to Christ with strong ointments, had begun to course along his limbs, flushing and mottling, sometimes lingering at the neck at others simmering even across his eyelids inevitably suggesting unsettling expressions that he was not in fact expressing. These eczemas flowed over him through the day and would be seen in some circles as a language but Roy himself said contentedly “They are my jewels.”

2.63 Roy sent blood down into his body to the parts that would benefit from the force and freshness. He was familiar with the Harveyan schema wherein the blood moved in a circle thanks to the heart pump, and he considered this credible but contemptible insofar as as it removed from his domain an eminence. The passivity of those who surrendered corporeal sovereignty to a presumptively autonomous system – within their own bodies for fuck’s sake – pissed him off. By a system of grimaces, contractions and selective tightenings he wrested control from the pump and was pleased to see that his jewels now traced the new pulsions as they rolled down from his reddened head.

2.64 Flushed with his vanquishment of autonomous blood circling and encouraged by his developing capacity to situate distinctive skin colourations at will, Roy turned his heightened attention to the actual quality of his blood rather than its tides and was upset to find that while it was itself sterile there were ranged around it, in the arrangements of tubes and vessels and suchlike such as also the skin itself, life forms teeming in their billions in their several dozen teeny types. Seventeen alone in the : ! And Roy knew that the walls of capillaries are only a few nanometers thick so how come, he wondered, life forms did not get into his sterile blood? For all he knew, they had. They had. For all he knew.

2.65 What especially vexed him was the notion, widely bruited in the microbiological literature, that ‘the normal bacterial flora of the adult human clearly benefit from their host’. Just look at them bacteroides fragilis makes you think of weakness bacteroides oralis how dare they bifidobacterium bifidum makes you think of two dogs salmonella enteritidis the sandwiches are off again but I didn’t have a fucking sandwich propionibacterium acnes is that a pony with boils I mean come on enterococcus faecalis you’re fucking kidding me proteus mirabilis too late now son they’re all in it’s fucking open house. Roy set off for the cleaning cupboard. Scorched earth.

2.66 In the cab a few minutes away from Nando’s Jean goes affectionately “David, you’re wearing well,” and I go “Jean, you’re too kind but your own unlined skin speaks of an enviable and luminous tranquillity.” Max goes “She’s not. Tranquil.” Jean comes in “But I’m luminous, Max, like he says.” And Max comes back “You can dress in the dark. That’s got to be useful.” Then Max says to Keira “You’re fabulous too, Keira.” And Keira goes “You’re sweet, Max. And so is Johnny.” And Jean looks at Keira “I love how you call him that.” Keira says “It’s just what I feel.” Apart from the driver, who was quite properly concentrating on what must be achieved, the rest of the people here, Jean and Max and Keira and David, looked at each other approvingly.

2.67 In those moments of easeful calm I felt the four of us were somehow of a piece with each other, that our differences were inconsequential, that we moved with grace across each other’s bounds then unbound flowed hither then thither in golden worlds. I was familiar with the idea that there is within us a yearning for a lost past in which we enjoyed a mysterious oneness with all that was and all that we encountered but perhaps this nostalgic melancholy is simply a tissue drawn across unpalatable hunger whereas here, in this taxi, it was as if I were actually in the minds of Max and Jean and Keira and Keira and Jean and Max were somehow all in my mind.

2.68 While Keira was ordering Chicken Butterfly off the bone, drizzled with the peri-peri oil that she loved, I asked Jean and Max how their lives had shaped up after 1983, when we last worked together. Jean said “At first we had momentum. We saw dust devils dancing and damped them down. We breezed through bodies locked in rooms from the inside with no footprints in the surrounding snow or windows. But where once we were driven now we were derelict, deadheaded. The engine fell from the chassis, the car coasted to the verge with no majesty. In Groningen I said to Max ‘What would Jean do?’ and Max said ‘Ask Max.’”

2.69 But what did Max mean? When he said ‘Ask Max’ in response to Jean’s question ‘What would Jean do?’ it may be that he meant that Jean would ask Max what to do. On the other hand, he may have meant that he, Max, would ask Max what to do, thereby suggesting that Max is outside himself looking at himself. If this is the case then it is as if he believes that the Max who is looked at may hold the answer to something that eludes the Max who is observing the more housed, less vagrant Max. All of which suggests that Jean and Max, investigators once blessed with what is now an ailing complementarity, having lost the plot are, in only a figurative sense, both in search of an author. Strewth.
(This passage was remodeled 05/04/16. See notification above.)
PAMPAS: PRODUCT REPLACEMENT
A post on the Pampas series dated 04/04/16 was removed from this location on 05/04/16 following the identification of substandard components. In the view of the Editor these latter were compromised as follows:
The textual material referred to a complex situation in a complicated rather than accessible way.
The material was stylised almost to the point of opacity.
In keeping with the mission to maintain high standards for the series the passage has been remodeled in such a way as to prioritise clarity. Lucidity even. The remodeled passage may be found below.

2.70 Keira has all sauce and everything round her mouth. “Johnny,” she says “Doesn’t this remind you of St Vincent? Yeah? With Orlando?” Max is weeping and pointing to his mouth because of the Very Hot he overdid. Jean asks “In Florida?” Keira replies “The actor. We used to go to the Flowt after we wrapped. Me and Johnny and Orlando. On the beach.” Jean cocked her head quizzically. This was getting to be something of a trial. I loved them all but this whole masquerade thing was fucking with my head. Jean breathed in. I had a light bulb come on. “Keira,” I went, “You remember Brogan?” She came “Well, naturally.” I squeezed her hand and reached over and then I squeezed Jean’s hand. I said “So you’ll understand what I have to do.”

There is a limit to the Reader’s patience. The Flowt is a beach bar to be found in St Vincent & the Grenadines (not to be confused with Gene Vincent and the Bluecaps) and patronised by Keira, Johnny and Orlando after shooting on location for ‘Nearby Pirate’.

2.71 I know this guy I said. You’d like him. I winked at Jean, including Max who was drinking from a jug. Yeah, you’d find him interesting. He has a tale to tell. Yes I said to myself I do. I had been weakening. I needed a safe place. Free from exposure. Sometimes you read a book and you think yeah I’d like to live in that world. Not necessarily all animals and landscapes and beauty but where shit can happen and relationships but it’s only a book so no matter how harrowing and of today etc it’s a book it’s not like here. It’s art. Where you can hide. Or other people’s lives. That you like the way they live. Much the same. I mean I liked Jean and Max’s life. And their personalities. I mean I realise they are complements and not full people but were there ever? They had been to Holland, South America you name it. Iceland.

2.72 (Interim Orientation Advisory) I reminded Keira of our discussion (see 1.104 (26/07/15)) wherein I had suggested that, given the dearth of capability in the worldscape and the abundance of problem solving in the fictosphere, actors should extend the scope of their impersonations so that they might step into everyday life and apply their strengths there rather than on the screen where people know it’s acting. I then suggested that this could be constructively countered by civilians, who would undertake to participate in artificial situations so that their lack of skill would ground and possibly neutralise some of the deleterious effects of prolonged masquerade. A fluid exchange of this sort would not, I felt, perpetuate a separation so much as promote a mutuality.

2.73 I told Keira that I couldn’t wait for her to meet my friend David, a civilian friend working with Jean and Max. She welcomed the suggestion. With an enormous sense of relief I let Johnny go and became myself again. I still looked like him, of course, but I didn’t have to pretend I was him any more. “We’re just off,” David explained, “Will you come with us?” Keira said “That would be lovely, David. Can Johnny come along?” David said that Johnny was not there at the moment. Okay a dit Keira. Now Jean and Max would relax and Keira would have a new but attentive companion. One who was not living a lie.

2.74 Jean and Max led the way and David was with Keira as they went off with resolve. They had foodpuppies with them and sports drinks. As well they had coats and tablets. Max thought it was ‘fuckpuppies’ but Jean told him to pay attention. Max as he went down snapped off the damp and velvet like young antlers extrusions and popped them into his mouth. Musty you’d think but like water chestnuts to the teeth. Put my hand in a tree. Jean sees a dog. Keira goes “Hey.” Fairly safe. Who remembers coincidence? What it was like. Don’t have coincidence now just a lot of things. If they coincide it’s like so what ? it’s not a fucking surprise is it. They’re bound to be in your head.

2.75 In the evenings out there the foodpuppies start to glow a faint purple. No more than a wristwatch. You can use them as a neck stole. Keira asks “Who is in there?” The guys go “We don’t know, ma’am. We figure they been in there three days, four.” Jean says “It must be so quiet.” The guys say “We look at it ma’am and it kind of has this calm effect.” Max comments “Some of the drives are long. You just want to be cool.” Keira declares “I’m going to wave.” She waves at them. At first it’s just still then you can see waving back. “They’re waving back,” Keira is pleased. Max demurs “It’s reflections.” Keira glares “Fuck it Max, look again. See? Waving. Am I waving? Is there waving in this group? I thought not.” And yeah, you could see it. White hand going to and fro.

2.76 Keira takes off her dress and slides into the water in an oyster silk slip. She circles the car then surfaces. “It’s a 1949 Buick Roadmaster. The Sedanette,” she announces. Max asks what’s the water like. “It’s okay. Better than expected.” Max is down to his boxers and before you can say wow primark jumps in. Keira says “I think it’s a family down there.” Max asks “How many?” Keira says “A father a mother and two children.” Max duck dives and swirls around then “Yeah. The two in front have got rings on.” Keira asks “Did you wave?” Max replies “Of course.” Anyway Jean and I get in we’re generally splashing about. Jean says “The kids are both reading.” Keira asks “Can you see what?” Jean says “They’ve kind of got them in their laps.”

2.77 We’re lying by the pool drying out. The foodpuppies are under a tree. Jean is on her stomach with one arm in the water. The air is still. Maybe a lark. Max has nothing to do. He’s sitting up. He says “All those years, with Jean, after we stopped working with David. When I cut myself, on the arm, I could see titanium. Shiny. Blue.” Keira who had been staring at the sun looked round at him. “Did it feel good, Max?” He nods. “Oh yeah. You could do things.” Jean nods too. “Max says he feels vague now, don’t you, Max?” He shrugs. “Something like that. Yeah.” Keira goes “I don’t think you’re vague, Max.” Max says “Well, you know. Maybe.”

2.78 Jean reached for a foodpuppy and moved round the perimeter of the pool towards the front of the car below. A breeze rattled the birches briefly. I held a sports drink. She dropped the foodpuppy and it skeetered from side to side in the green water as it drifted down. “Did they see it?” Keira asked. “Yes,” said Jean, “They’re indicating that they did.” And it is certainly the case that when you looked down to them in that world they were nodding as if pleasedly to say “You are very kind. You should not have bothered.” But of course we bothered! It is a pleasant thing to meet others where so few go! Jean who had been dipping down came up and said “If only you knew how strange it is to be there. It is not life but its shadow, it is not motion but its soundless spectre.”

2.79 Then again Keira dove deep and grasped the mirror on the passenger side then gasped then pointed then shook her head as if to say “You’re kidding me!” Which maybe she did say that. But back on the land she said “It’s Winona! Can you believe that? Fucking Winona!” There was a cry somewhere. Max looked puzzled. Night fell. From the sunken Sedanette there streamed green light. Max said “Phosphorescent algae.” Keira said “She used to go with Johnny. Between 1989 and 1993. Not that I’ve looked it up.” Jean asked “Is she okay?” I said “I’m sure she’s fine now.” Max said “Yeah, Jean and me saw that in the case of the glowing body on the pebbles at dusk as the sea came in and back at night not so long ago. Didn’t we, Jean?” Jean goes “Yeah, he’s right.”

2.80 Max isn’t wiry he’s like stocky. He goes down following this glow and gestures to the person everyone says is Winona, which I believe she is. I mean Keira should know. We all should know: Heathers, Little Women. I’m thinking is she old now or what? I go “Max! Is she old or what?” He goes, through the water, “It’s not great visibility what with the night.” I go “Yeah, right.” He opens the door and helps her out and she comes up and says in a murmur “I want to sleep deep sleep.” Max says “There’s this kind of jelly.” Jean enquires “What?” Max responds to her “It’s like a film.” Keira goes “Well, that is the territory.” Max shakes his head “All over her body.” It was kind of glistening. “Can she breathe?” asks Jean. Max goes “Yeah. Obvs.” “Should we peel her though?” someone says. Max says “I guess.”

2.81 Max and Jean start to pull away the turbid caul. The Roadmaster is the 1949 model but that would mean Winona is 67 but which is ridiculous based on the idea you are as old as your car which is ridiculous though I say so myself. Nobody is that old they would change their car from time to time. Jean is very careful she gently pulls and the film comes away from first the brow then gently over the face and Winona is pale you can see her pores and then down her neck but she has clothes on, a dark green dress. Her eyes were open even during when her brow was covered so presumably she could see through the film. How long has she been down there I wonder with her companions. “Lovely eyes,” Jean says. “Probably Marc Jacobs Velvet Noir,” Keira says, “she’s his face.”

2.82 Foodpuppies are pleasing to touch in their smooth weight and so Jean placed two in the damp lap of Winona as she haltingly revived. “Her Grandpa was Timothy Leary,” Max said helpfully. Folded away the years of bead and veneration. When afghan was a coat. Rewrite the world. “Who says?” Keira says. “It’s known,” Max said firmly. Then Max says “I’m not saying that because a person’s Grandpa was something that the person is like that.” “0n the other hand Keira says there could have been acid in the sugar carelessly. Or on the stationery I’m thinking of the blotting paper here.” Max snaps his fingers. “No. He was her godfather. Yeah.” Winona now carefully peeled of film looks at me. She frowns then goes hesitantly then more certainly “Johnny?” Fuck I go in my head.

2.83 It has not been my wish, in the course of these writings, to dwell on the personal. Even so, I should explain that over the years I have been regularly mistaken for Sting of The Police, particularly when that group enjoyed currency in the so-called post-Punk era. Youngsters would frequently come up to me, thrusting into my hands copies of Zenyatta Mondatta for signature. I would politely decline, saying “I’m not him.” They would say “Why did you dye your hair, Sting?” I would say “I didn’t. I’m not him.” After a while I just signed them – it made things simpler and it pleased the youngsters. Is that so wrong? I think not. Readers may appreciate, then, that the ‘Johnny Depp period’ which I have attempted to chronicle here, while fraught with both ferocity and felicity, was not unfamiliar. That is, until Winona.

2.84 Winona extended her hand toward me and the foodpuppies fell from her lap by the waterside. She stroked my cheek. And said slowly “For a while I got to be something different.” Her hand was cold to me. She pulled at her hair and it came off but it was a wig and underneath was beautiful black hair kept dry by the wet wig now falling away through the water. She murmured Johnny and seemed not to notice anyone around. And I said But now I’m just me again. Keira is putting her dress on she puts it on and says I’m going in there once more. She gives a little swift smile and goes down. After a while I go down just to see and she is in the Roadmaster. Are you coming up I say. “No,” she mouths I can’t hear her. “You go on,” she says. I wave and she waves. I go back up to Winona. I swim back up there.

2.85 Jean and Max who I had known for a long time and they knew me agreed with me. “She was a terrific girl,” Jean said. And Max said “She’ll be fine. She’ll have that film to cover her.” I had worked with them in the 70s in the 20th century. We really knew each other. They were not judgmental people. We sat and looked out over the pool remembering her not saying much for a while. After a while Jean said there are good people down there it’s not as if. Max said “There are kids down there. With their books.” The sun was coming up through a watery sky. It would help to dry Winona. Some early birds cheeped somewhere. You never know where they are you just hear them.

2.86 This time I was really sure. I realised that my uncanny resemblance to Johnny Depp was not something that I should just go along with. Of course it had had its advantages – I had enjoyed the company of a number of beautiful and personable women, not to mention their colleagues – giants in the field of entertainment. Winona, shifting in and out of sleep, still pale, feverish, could not take her eyes off me. “I’m not him, Winona,” I said, as plain as plain could be. She squeezed my hand and nodded. I felt a great relief. We could be man and woman now. We would walk together in an ordinary way that was deep and close and I would not be her Johnny. If I reminded her of the Johnny with whom she had been from 1989 to 1993 after Edward Scissorhands together then that was just something I had no control over. I would simply be her David.

2.87 Winona said My time in the Buick Roadmaster Sedanette was uneventful but then I was offered the possibility of going further down. I would live in a system of tunnels, constantly burrowing and subsisting on tubers. I found the prospect repellent despite my confusion. Jean said What confusion is that Winona? Which was when Winona dropped a bombshell. “I have she said for some time been aware that my perceptual apparatus is delivering sensory information pertinent to situations that have no relationship at all to the milieux in which I gather I am physically present.” My lamb said Jean. Max asked Are these things happening somewhere else then? “Winona said Yes as far as I am concerned Max obvs but there is the fear that they are phantasmal. At the end of the day.”

2.88 Max said “While you’ve been away there have been some developments.” We were beside the car pool. “Such as what?” I enquired. Well Jean said “Max and Winona have been getting on famously.” “Which is good,” I ventured. “Oh it is Jean said.” Max said “She is several months into the family way.” “You’ll be great, Max I said, Won’t he Jean?” “He knows I will always love him in a sisterly way as a brother Jean said.” I turned to Winona who was there too her feet were in the pool to the ankles. “That’s great Winona” I said, “It’s a real adventure.” Winona said “I kind of thought Well you are not Johnny David but Max is Max.” She said And that feels right. And I said I’m kind of sad Winona but perhaps we’ll meet again sometime and look back on this.” “Yeah said Winona

Vacant Possession

‘Sometimes a disappearance can be more haunting than an apparition.        Mark Fisher/k-punk – Nothing Happens. k-punk, 22/12/2006

http://kpunk.abstractdynamics.org/archives/008806.html

It is reputed that in the decades after the war, psychoanalysts began to report that there were fewer clients suffering from the classical Freudian disorders. The old Oedipus and Elektra complexes were thinning out, replaced by vague anxieties about not really being real, substantial or present at all.

Michael Newton – Lonely rangers: the dark side of westerns. The Guardian 06/05/16

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2016/may/06/dark-side-westerns-film-bfi-season-ride-lonesome

It had…no digestive tract, hence neither ate nor defecated, so required twelve-hourly infusions of a concentrated nutrient as well as regular hydration.                        William Gibson, 2020, Agency, Penguin Books UK Random House.  p.186

It wore black trainers with bright white soles, loose gray trousers cinched at the ankles, and a black kimono-cut jacket. And looked, in the confusing way of situations like, like Flynne. Not  that it actually bore anything more than a passing resemblance to her, but that he was so accustomed now to experiencing it as her physical avatar. ibid. p.187

…at any given moment consciousness includes only a small content, so that the greater part of what we call conscious knowledge must in any case be for very considerable periods of time in a state of latency, that is to say, of being psychically unconscious.

The Unconscious, S. Freud in The Unconscious (1915) ch.1 in Sigmund Freud – On Metapsychology vol II (1984) in The Theory of Psychoanalysis  series p.168. Penguin Books

“Have you seen Ash lately?”                     “We met her new partner,” Netherton said, “who Verity insists on calling a ‘woke’ peripheral. He’s entirely autonomous, not to mention very witty.” …                                        “Whatever makes her happy,” Lowbeer said, “in these times of ours.”               ibid. p.402 (the final page)

When Dick wrote Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? his key inspiration was not the dawning age of robotics but the real-life Nazi mass murderers whose diaries he had studied for his previous novel The Man in the High Castle. “For me android is a metaphor for people who are physiologically human but behaving in a non-human way” he told Paul M. Sammon, the author of Future Noir: The Making of Blade Runner, in 1981. “I use such terms as android and robot, but I’m really referring to a psychologically defective or malfunctioning or pathological human being.”

Steven Dalton, 2019. Blade Runner: anatomy of a classic, BFI.  www.bfi.org.uk/features/blade-runner

The human brain is the most complex entity in the universe. It has between fifty and one hundred billion nerve cells, or neurons, each branched to form thousands of possible connections with other nerve cells. It has been estimated that laid end to end, the nerve cables of a single human brain would extend into a line several hundred thousand miles long. The total number of connections, or synapses, is in the trillions. The parallel and simultaneous activity of innumerable brain circuits, and networks of circuits, produces millions of firing patterns each and every second of four lives. The brain has been described as a supersystem of systems.’

Gabor Maté, Scattered Minds. Vermilion. 1999. p.63.

Oh we’re so pretty
Oh so pretty
We’re vacant
Oh we’re so pretty
Oh so pretty
Vacant
Oh we’re so pretty
Oh so pretty
Ah but now
And we don’t care
Pretty Vacant (chorus). Sex Pistols (Paul Cook, Steve Jones, John Lydon, Glen Matlock). 1977

Some of the issues raised in the Strength Weekly essays Outlandish Inlandish Onlandish and Further to Outlandish, are complemented by futuristic fictional technologies that drive the narratives of the two most recent novels by William Gibson. The Peripheral (2014) and Agency (2020) respectively introduce then develop the notion of a connected array of devices that enable time travel by means of quantum tunnelling and remote control of humanoid avatars.

It’s possible that not even Gibson himself could explain with unwavering precision the ingenious but mysterious apparatus he has envisioned but it transpires that a person from the 21st century present (in this case a ‘present’ set in our own not-too-distant future) can socialise with another from the 22nd century by donning a headset enabling them to control a ‘peripheral’ body, a replica of the wearer’s body, that is materially apparent in the future. The headset is constructed in the present from plans transmitted from the future by ‘quantum tunnelling’ (this could be the point at which Gibson might be hard pressed to deliver any specifics; not that we necessarily crave this in speculative fiction).

As if getting dressed for an appointment, the 21st century human pilot of the peripheral puts on the headpiece which will transmit their speech and movements in real time i.e. with no timelag, to their humanoid avatar in the 22nd century. In the Gibson novels, the attitude of those in the 21st century towards peripherals is initially mistrustful – novice users  dismiss the experience as a sophisticated video game taking place in the present. 

It is probable that if we were actually confronted with an inhabited peripheral we would expect at the very least to be transfixed. The uncanny valley effect would be intensified by several orders of magnitude. If we did not know who or what was piloting the creature our sense of unease would be comparably heightened. If we knew that the avatar was piloted but nonhuman this would certainly be the case. If we only sensed that the avatar itself was nonhuman but had no means of confirming it our reluctant fascination would continue undimmed. In the latter case we might suspect that the person before us was ‘odd’ or ‘not quite right’ in some vague ‘mental health’ way. Vacillations between behaviour of any sort and its complete absence might even be construed as a terminal and virulent form of bi-polar disorder. A reflexive and irresistible othering would be in play. Not because of any overt monstrosity but because of its absence.

The nature of the peripheral when not being piloted is just as fascinating as its remotely animated state. It just sits there, uninhabited, in the next century. It doesn’t know ‘sit’. It has no sense of ‘there’. Whereas in the real world sometimes ‘The lights are on but nobody’s home’, in this case not even the lights are on.

Given that all science fiction is ultimately about the present, the fictional technology of the peripheral can be seen to articulate certain contemporary psychological dysfunctions with great eloquence.

An abiding anxiety associated with being a conscious being relates to the difficulty of quantifying being conscious. For example, how full should consciousness feel? Should there be a lot going on or just a modest amount? What does that mean? How would you measure it? Might it relate to how much is going on in the world or does that have only a marginal bearing on feelings of fullness or emptiness? Much of the time one feels there is no choice – regardless of the impact of external events the mind fills up anyway and thoughts compete, jostle and erase each other. But when, for example, the Sex Pistols announced their (Pretty) Vacancy in 1977 it seemed to apply not just to truculent Punks but to legions of the disaffected evenly dispersed across the nation.

The lyrics to the anthem could be taken further inasmuch as not just the emptiness but the Prettiness of Vacancy was acknowledged, albeit ironically. The Vacancy/Vacantness may have been a condition that grew out of political disgust – a refusal to take up any position of resistance on the grounds that it is demeaning to do so. This was not necessarily a bankrupt response so much as a disdainful riposte to bankruptcy. The absence of articulation was eloquent and is widely found to be attractively enigmatic.

Nevertheless, disdain is one of cool’s several attractive cousins and perhaps its most appropriated, serving to suggest an articulation that is withheld but may not actually exist. Strength Weekly has often dwelt on the allure of the unexpressed interior and the rich possibilities of projection that it offers.

The possibility of being empty is chronic. It never goes away.  While it is certainly the case that trauma can suppress even disruptive thoughts and depression can leach away distinctions, it is unlikely that any of us will ever encounter an ’empty’ person. The designation is figurative and the muted subject is able non-verbally to demonstrate desolate or diminished capacities for thinking, feeling and articulation itself.

It seems unlikely that the mind ever truly rests. Those who meditate claim otherwise but practitioners of my acquaintance say that the much sought ‘stilling’ can take years to develop let alone reliably maintain. We are familiar with the kind of information delivered in Gabor Maté’s quote (see sidebar) and without pausing to consider ‘how much of the brain is used in thinking’, it is clear that this unimaginably complex organ would have no capacity selectively to deactivate the various functions that synergetically produce thought. Death or damage will do it, of course, and the irreversible state known as ‘brain death’ or ‘brain stem death’ is only another way of describing death – it’s a medical euphemism.

Notwithstanding all of the above both the figurative and the literal ‘cases’ of ’emptiness’ need an extreme illustration to conjure them in a way that is satisfying and dramatic. Gibson’s peripheral supplies this and in so doing outstrips in terms of thoroughness even the ‘Blade Runner’ (1984) replicants, whose uncanniness tends to  taper off as they persist in displaying human discontents. As far we can gather, a replicant or ‘skin-job’, from the Dick/Scott stable has blood and veins and is wholly organic, produced by genetic engineers. It is destined to be ‘retired’ after four years but given that it  does not run on batteries could probably maintain its own metabolism and, were it not destined for liquidation, enjoy a lifespan comparable to that of its masters,

A pilotless peripheral, on the other hand – the sort of thing kept in the mid-22nd century garage, presumably – is stone dead. The confusing part, however, is that the ‘meat’ part of the creature has to be properly maintained, just as you would regularly water a pot plant. So while the ghost has most certainly left the machine, the machine itself must be regarded as the most uncanny locus of vacancy that one might ever brush up against.

If the peripheral’s owner went away for the weekend, the peripheral would be stacked emptily in the dark until they returned. If necessary a neighbour would be asked if they could keep an eye on its metabolism and tweak it if necessary. The owner would be looking forward to their great-grandaughter, as yet unborn, animating the creature from her apartment in 22nd century Madrid  next Friday.

Heroin intoxication, heroin chic, non-intoxicated heroin-like affect; being dead inside, the affectation of being dead inside (as a species of achievement), cool; hypnotised affect and affectation, robotism; catatonia, being blissed out, above it all, not all there, absent minded,  distant, reserved, somnolent; haunted.

If some of these states often appear to be performed rather more than they are felt this should not disqualify them from being regarded as instances or representations of the contemporary psychic equivalent of the fictional and futuristic peripheral. All arrayed against a backdrop of what Michael Newton calls (see sidebar) ‘vague anxieties about not really being real, substantial or present at all.’

Like charging points for electric cars, sources of vitalising power seem scarce even when we are assured that there is plenty with which to engage. When this elusive plenitude is found to be socially,  politically, economically or therapeutically inert then the experience of peripherality may feature an asphyxiation by vagrant, noisy cultural debris to the point that distinctions and differences can no longer be apprehended. It is as if a manic, atomised solution to the fear of emptiness had been found. But as the military veteran with the thousand yard stare might attest, in the unlikely event that they might speak, the road of excess leads to a place of great and discomforting quietness.

09.08.2021

 

 

Radio Gaga

You have a lot of time on your hands as an only child and one thing I used to do was pull faces in the mirror to see how unlike me I could look. Another thing was to experiment with noises, sometimes using my lips and fingers, more usually just vocalising without equipment. Again, the goal was to create sounds that didn’t sound human. I never thought of it like that, of course. Just trying out shapes and sizes and pushing air through cavities, sometimes trapping it and squeezing it along with tongue clicks and tongue rolls and various vibrations. You see kids do this sort of thing in the street or in the classroom – you can’t tell if they’re only children or not – why would they be? Maybe they had competitions with their siblings. Maybe they even tried unhuman choral effects.

It may dawn upon the young vocal experimentalist with time on their hands that although foreign languages feature noises that are simply not present in the English language, these noises can be imitated and may have a generative effect on the youngster’s private work to the extent of introducing not just variants but invasive species. (It should, of course, be acknowledged that the learning of foreign languages involves precisely such exercises. It is arguable that if only a few ‘foreign’ sounds can be competently imitated then other unfamiliar sounds within that language will be more readily reproduced. As in ‘Good – you can get your tongue round that, now try this…’)

I think I have a reasonably serviceable French accent and I attribute this to being made to intone, along with my classmates, a series of French vowel sounds over and over at school, at least three times a week. Several of these sounds were weird and on each occasion some rogue class members were lured away from the exercise at hand in order to push these novel sounds further than required by the French language as conventionally constituted. To our East Anglian ears the proximity of these sounds to those of the farmyard and field was a gap eagerly to be closed. The squealing pig was the most sought after candidate and our teacher, obliged to remonstrate in French, as was already the progressive foreign language teaching protocol in the 50s, would attempt to re-herd the room with exasperated demands for ‘Votre attention, les élèves!’

Schoolboys would have derived some encouragement for their abuse of the spoken word from postwar radio comedies that were richly populated by actors with distinctive voices or the ability to maintain distinctive voices that were not their own.  Sid James, for example, stuck with his lecherous Cockney growl throughout his career, despite having been born in South Africa, while Jimmy Edwards presented bombastic variations on a voice that drew on his experiences as a choral scholar who subsequently became an RAF flight lieutenant in WWII. June Whitfield was a versatile actor adept at comic voice work who ranged from Eth of The Glums in Take It From Here to the fuller sitcom role of Edina’s mother in Absolutely Fabulous. Irene Handl specialised in a remarkable, slightly frail, lightly grumbly yet cheery working class barmaid or charlady persona whose voice was so eccentric that it won her small parts in over 130 films and countless TV series.

Although very much a signed up member of the 50s funny radio voice community, Kenneth Williams stands out insofar as his vocalisations moved beyond the parameters of sketch and sitcom scripts and seemed to strike out for shores at that point undefined. Williams found some possibilities for the ventilation of his concealed gayness in pushing what was, in the 50s and 60s, a standard camp drawl way beyond the limits established by other intrepid comic actors who had been given ‘tolerable because amusing pansy’ roles.

Williams responded to his scripts as if merely to analyse them sentence by sentence was a dereliction of duty. His view appeared to be that every single word was worthy of assault and if that meant respecting the meaning of the lines within the context of their location in fictional situations then so be it – it was a price worth paying and he had the acting skills to deliver what was required.

These line readings could, however, if one so wished, be lifted out of their radio sketch setting, stripped of their function within these frameworks and regarded as remarkable and unhinged exercises in a proposal for the almost human, the humanoid or the post-human – the latter in the sense that if a person could speak but had no world in which to express this ability then his vocalisations would still command respect and inspire awe in all those who came upon them from deep and outer space.

Williams’ voice would swoop, purr, croak, elasticate, shudder, nasalise, whinge, slide, climb, yowl, thunder and groan as he saw fit. Were there proper criteria for such achievements then he would certainly have been honoured with the creation of an annual Award – the Kenneth, perhaps – for outstanding contributions to the development of non-musical vocalisation in the service of higher post-syllabic communication.

It was in the mid 50s that my schoolmates and I became aware of The Goon Show, a radio comedy series that had been broadcasting on the BBC Home Service since 1951. This was a show without peer. It seemed to have no precedent at all. Other radio comedy programmes were amiable, intermittently a bit risqué, delivering a continuity, comfort and relief that recuperating post-war audiences deserved. They were not, however, fevered, free-form, comprehensively illogical or scrambled to the point of unrelieved delirium. The Goon Show was all of these and evinced a programmatic indifference to the conventions of ‘the programme’. In its eruptiveness and disorder it was a frenetic barrage that had some of the texture of war. In this respect it marked an early departure from the measured caution of a traumatised public withdrawing from years of dread and, in many cases, injury and bereavement. Among that public were younger listeners – perhaps in their late teens and early twenties – who had not seen military service and were ready for less cosy entertainments.

All of which is to say that if comic actors of the time who were blessed with voices and vocal effects of distinction had been exposed, in the early 50s, to writers and producers responding to early indications that a ‘post postwar’ sensibility was emerging, then The Goon Show might not have been, for several years, the lone rider in popular radio absurdism. It launched three years before Hancock’s Half Hour, also on Radio 1, set out an alternative to manic excitability with its droll celebration of the melancholy of a failed actor who barely believes in his enduring delusions of grandeur. In 1969, nine years after The Goon Show concluded, Monty Python first aired on TV.

The baton passed from the Goons had not immediately been seized but for those born in the early 50s, to be 15 years old or more in the Python era was to be ushered into an exhilarating expression of demented sketchwork that appealed especially to drugged youth and those who had enjoyed the cultural fruits of the final release from the PTSD caution of their parents that had characterised the 60s.

Where Williams had paved the way for what The Goon Show had to offer as far as decomposed speech went, he had also demonstrated what a visionary voice artist could achieve within sitcom scripts. The writer of the Goon scripts, Spike Milligan, clearly felt that there was no pressing reason to establish a recognisable bedrock sitcom reality – as obtained in Hancock’s Half Hour, for example – for comic actors to pitch up against. In radio you cannot see the walls. The imagination is relieved of any debt to theatre or the novel.

In the bike sheds of the mid 50s animated discussions of and noisy quotations from The Goons almost eclipsed the usual thrilling and outrageously folkloric lectures and debates on questions arising from an overheated fixation on female anatomy. School was tight back then and while The Goons was intermittently saucy it was the utter abandonment of plausible narrative in the shows that was revelatory and, for many, life changing. The war was ten years over and had been profoundly traumatising for all concerned but it had also provoked in some the view that the centre had just about held but mere anarchy was well overdue.

There are countless examples of coherent comedic incoherence to be found that are indebted, whether knowingly or not, to the epoch-making collaboration between writer Spike Milligan’s at times clinically marked mania, Peter Sellers’ mastery of so many funny voices that he once confessed, in all seriousness, that he could no longer remember what his normal voice was like, and Harry Secombe’s booming, screeching parodies of the straight (as in not mad) man to whom preposterous things Will Always Happen.

One magnificent vocalisation not usually found in the standard funny voice genealogies is actor Edward Tudor-Pole’s (aka Tenpole Tudor) contribution to Julien Temple’s The Great Rock’n’Roll Swindle (1980). Tenpole has doubtless been accused of wantonly mangling the lyrics and delivery of ‘Who Killed Bambi?’ but this would have been the not inaccurate view of people who know nothing.

28.02.2021

A Selection of Single, Double and Triple Panel One-Offs

I have received up to 900 mails and letters concerning Peter and Susan. They say We would be interested to learn more of their lives and hopes, basically what they are like. I can do this. It is best to start a short while ago.
Peter and Susan were, as far as they could tell, immersed in a book. For example, when they came across Lily she mentioned that she had been on holiday in the Mediterranean only the other day and had enjoyed reading a book in which they were mentioned. It is not clear if they were characters in that book, which was a fiction. It might have just been their names. Peter and Susan would have listened to Lily and taken note of this. Which is probably why it came about – their interest in people in books. Their immersion in them.

25.01.2024

I want to write about Peter and Susan what they get up to. They are walking in the fields of the countryside where there are some cows and Peter remarks “I like that cow” and the next thing you know he is gored by a bull. As Susan falls brokenly to her knees hoping Peter will not bleed out before help is at hand even all the birds of the air sighing and sobbing she shouts out “Oh my Lord God my Peter my Peter my Peter” and way above in the sky the birds crying and wheeling there is one sea bird just cawing and scraping just over and over and Peter murmurs “Tell it to stop. I can’t bear the sound” and Susan looks up and cries out “Can you not see? He is bored by a gull!” and at which many of the Town Council run over to offer a hand and one of them in a resplendent waistcoat says that if Susan has some cash perhaps a thousand pounds he can arrange for a medical policy for this dreadful situation or perhaps nine hundred or perhaps eight hundred or perhaps seven hundred or perhaps six hundred or perhaps five hundred and Susan beside herself opens her wallet and gives him five hundred and Peter, bleeding out now, his last words “Susan! I beg of you! Gulled by a bore!” at which he passes away. “And I,” said the Bull “because I can pull, I’ll toll the bell.”

17.10.2023

There is no running water the waitress said so I went to the next one and they had it and I was reading my book there. The tables are out in the sun and quite close together. Such a great book. So promising. At this moment in time I am on page 27. Behind me a man said Don’t cough on my head. A woman at another table said I did not cough on your head. He said You’re sitting right behind me and you coughed on my head. He said this quite unpleasantly two or three times. There was a scraping of chairs so I looked round and this woman and her friend were moving to another table. I didn’t want to be seen to study this man but he had bristles and was about 27 I would say. He said to the woman he was with, who might have been his mother or his aunt or possibly a business acquaintance Disgusting. Saliva and dirt. She coughed right on my head. Cunt. The woman called over to the other women You were too close. I wanted them to leave not because of anything but so I could study them without appearing to do so. After a few minutes during which he took a short business call quite politely, considering, they left. His arm was livid but it was actually a tattoo with red areas. He had a dog on a lead. Although I could only see the back end of the dog I knew it was a husky. Quite a big one. Perhaps they are generally big.

 
12.06.23
 
 
 
 
 
Petra & Rory Try on Their Father’s Suits by David Gale
The two kids Petra after that rock city you have to squeeze into and Rory. They were playing this game where they played at being their father when he was five. Petra and Rory were doing something quite difficult: they were reproducing their father’s disappointments that he had had when he was five but they were also using what they understood of his later life and its travails. (You have to admire these kids.) They asked for his suits which is when he saw what they were up to. They were like six and seven. In that area. Petra (7) says “When he saw his dog crying in the rain” and Rory (6) says “When he goes to the shop and his trousers fall down.” Petra says “Are you sure?” Rory says “They all shouted Get Out Mister Filthy!” Petra falls silent then cries “His shame! His great shame!” As one the youngsters wailed “And only five!”

14.09.2022

There was a group of people there in deckchairs holding up negatives. They had bottles of water and some careful creams.
“One of us found them in a box,” they said.
“In their own house or some other location?” I enquired.
“One or the other,” they replied.
Another of them said “We certainly enjoy looking at them.”
“Negatives,” I said.
“We actually don’t know what they are. From some earlier day, judging by the dust.”
“They’re for making photographs.”
“Okay. These show people you can’t tell who they are. Walking in this dark light. It’s like velvet. You wonder if you can hear footfalls. They take a long time coming towards you. You don’t know where they’re coming from. Dark roads. Doors. Anything could happen. What must the interiors be like? Animals, probably animals, brush by, quite low. A bottle rolls off a table. You don’t know if it’s safe. It’s probably safe.”

24.08.2022

The Dear Little Rabbit by David Gale
I had this flat white in Nero I used to get cappuccino but then I thought Dave get in the outside lane man. I shouted out (in Nero) “Look at this it’s a Dear Little Rabbit how far out is that?” Soon people were all round my table. Mostly they agreed but one person goes “It’s more like a hoodoo.” Then this next person goes “Like a horned man figure.” Then this individual goes “I think you mean voodoo.” “I know what I fucking mean lady” replies the first patron. That does it. This huge fight bursts out – fists, cutlery, some proper weapons. In this whole fracas I look down and the flat white is gone. I shout “A robber has taken it!” They yell “Let’s get this robber!” and they all pile out.

27.08.2022

So I was in Exeter and I found a house to live in. Further down the street things were looking up for Helen. Paul had broken up with Tanya and was, therefore, in theory, available. She bumped into him at The Sad Shandy (nothing to do with anybody’s mood). (There is a bar in Paris that I have visited called The Depressed Shark (Le Requin Chagrin). It seemed perfectly jolly. But back to Helen.) Helen and Paul found they had things in common. They both found this. I suppose you could say that people don’t go to places just because of the name. I mean obviously it happens but not that much.

27.04.2022

Incited by incidents both behind and before me I broke into a full pelt. Better to see what’s coming than be Mark or Patsy in the footchase. My speed was soon such that had I turned to look back I would have careered from my path and lost ground. The buildings and hedgerows were now so blurred that they could have been each other such was my fleetness. I could hear my own jagged pants. But what if I were dashing towards something just as bad as the pounding and groaning dogging my sprinting? ‘Dave,’ I said ‘give me 100% and I’ll give you 100%.’ To careen might just be the ticket. I would fling myself to the side as if urgently called to the phone and the parties would impale each other. I got that feeling that you get when you get near Exeter.

11.04.2022

Dear Friends, thank you for your very kind and warm Birthday Wishes yesterday (40 at last, eh?) which I shall incubate on my imminent short trip to Paris courtesy of my daughters in order that when I return I shall be able to deliver a more substantial message replete with strong narrative, well rounded and characterful characters of considerable depth each of which will be situated on a soaring and swooping developmental arc with mischievous plot twists.

04.03.2022

The Directorate was concerned that the standard of recognition phrases, sometimes known as paroles, was deteriorating. It was determined that whilst retaining their apparent ordinariness, they should be extended in order to eliminate the small but potentially catastrophic possibility that a civilian would be able unwittingly to complete the parole and become thereby the recipient of classified information.
I sat down on the agreed bench in the park. In a moment I was joined.
– Do you like the Hit Parade?
– I follow the Top Ten.
– Are there favourites that you have?
– I have a dog.
– My brother is like you in that regard.
– What is his name?
– Gerald.
– Is he is fond of contact sports?
– He is good in the air.
– There are larks above one street but not another.
– Who knows what it is that animates them?
– In Italy I felt for a moment that I understood them.
– The larks?
– You are a naturalist, I see.
– I bleed by the black stream for my torn bough.

23.02.2022

We got through January one of the worst months but February let’s not kid ourselves is just as shot I mean shit it’s just closer to the longer days. What is it with March? Every year they say ‘Oh we’re going to finish this whole summer time winter time clocks thing this year’ and do they fuck? Fuck no. I was reading in this really good book I’m reading the word came up: gravesite. Well that’s not particularly unusual. We know how to pronounce it. But what if it was a mineral? You wouldn’t call it gravesite. It would be in the same area of woods as haematite, magnesite, zeolite. So it wouldn’t be grave as in Gravesend for instance but grav as in gravity which means it would be: gravesite – a mineral. Not grav–site but slightly more like gravessite. Anyway.

04.02.2022

As you know, I write a number of films every day. At the moment I am working on one called ‘Get a Bigger Table’, set in the world of championship jigsaw puzzle competitions. I hope to sign Anya Taylor-Joy to play Susan, a young but prodigiously talented assembler aspiring to compete in the WJPC Championship in Valladolid in June. I’m currently working through the crucial semi-final scene where Susan, working on a large 32,000 piece panorama depicting a busy cattle roundup, is perturbed to find that she is nearing the edge of the table. The puzzle already extends to three of the available edges and it is quite clear when you look at the volume of as yet uninserted pieces that the puzzle, if completed, will exceed the width of the table. A bigger one is needed! Susan continues to assemble, using her signature one-handed assess/select/insert technique. The rising urgency of the soundtrack by John Powell (‘The Bourne Ultimatum’, ‘How to Train Your Dragon’) is mixed forward over the soft click of cardboard pressed into cardboard. Susan bites her lower lip. She completes a column that brings the pieces to within millimetres of the edge. She starts to assemble another column…the pieces are actually overhanging the edge of the table! Even as we watch in BCU they begin to pull away under their own weight! They are falling to the floor! I’m not sure what happens next, perhaps we see more. In Europe you could finish there but other people will want to cut back to Susan.

22.01.2022

I gathered and bunched ranktoad, dogbottom lily, worts, cowberry and fuchsias. I bound and wrapped them loosely and laid them to the side with my day clothes so that they would not crush each other or cross-pollinate in such a way that hybrids could arise. At the yoga class we did the downcast dog, the pulling person and the sea eagle after which I learned that Michael will come to your house with his reasonable hair services. Will he take his clippings with him? I wondered. While I did not want them myself I did not want them to be taken away somewhere.

02.01.2022

It was when I realised that my wondering if my use of the larger breadboard would upset the smaller breadboard was a sign that I should get out that I did. Sometimes I walk with my head up and sometimes it is down. But it’s not that I was looking out for anything or that I was near any grocers or kerbed refuse from Tesco or similar. No. I can’t remember where it was but perhaps it was a particular kind of thought that made me look down but anyway on this occasion it was a whole cucumber as if it had dropped from a tree of them. Except that it was wrapped in plastic. I must confess I found that rather special as if it had been in a flight attendant’s hand moments earlier before they slipped in the galley when about to pep a bun and whoosh out it went and down. Unskied. I know that I have a small following that I am anxious to please. It would be a shame if they thought He makes shit up.

05.10.2021

1.1 Their world was the same as ours in every respect but then I discovered that Cliff Richard and The Shadows (formed in 1958), well known to successive generations in our country, were known there as Cliff Richard and The Shadders. I said “Don’t you mean The Shadows?” and they said “What’s that?” and I said “It’s Cliff Richard and The Shadows” and they said “That’s not even a word.” I said “So what does Shadders mean then?” They said “It just sounds good – it doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just a pop name.” When I said so what do you call it when there’s a light behind something and it throws a dark shape on the ground before the thing? They said “Like an outline? We call it an outline.” I realised that not everything has to have a special name and different cultures would evolve their own decisions on such matters.

1.2 But what of the failing of the light when outlines may seem to teem? What of the places where lowlifes tangle? The passages having insufficient lamps? The dapples in a copse? The certitude that is beyond a tiny amount of a doubt? Are these things lost? The falling of glooms, the gardens stifled in shrubs, the fleeting disdain of those sensing disdain, their sense of the shower beneath the show, an elusive out of the corner of the eye like the fox at dusk, the amateur shot straight into the light when the camera shuts down and your friend is silhouetted, the faux pas that is ignored by the group but casts nevertheless a cloud over proceedings, all the hints, the feints, the fainting, the vapours? If they are not named how can they be of life, Hank? Jet? Bruce? Tony? Anyone?

05.08.2021

Spent the weekend working on Bonkers, my clown. Anxious to get back in the saddle. Got in touch with Gwen, my costumier. “These trousers should be about right,” she said. They were ill-tailored and flecked with what looked like soup and mud. “They will stand for my shame. Fantastic, Gwen!” I said. She reached for the upper garment. “This is dreampop trancepolitics,” she said, running her hand over the many many fabrics and their startling rents. “I cannot wait to start wisecracking and capering,” I told her.

27.04.2021

Ply Father is the magazine from the fertile lands dealing with joinery and it is attracting attention along with the other coming magazine Farr Number. They are coming out of areas out near Ipswich. The Ply Father place is in tousled grass and set back from the road. Peter, the person at the place, said “Yes, it is multi-layered like strong working woods.” And then over to Farr Number which is a movable feast insofar as it caters to groups of people who move around the country and maybe do not visit the city frequently. Susan who is one of the organisers says that “The people expect the issues to be readily available and we are proud to do that.”

23.04.2021

Thank you Dear Friends for your kind greetings on my Birthday – they put a spring in my step so I decided to go out and correct some lingering imbalances. ‘Hello Mrs Carter I said to her at her door I just want to let you know that you were the inspiration for what might have struck you, had you read it, as an ill considered depiction of certain of your qualities that you may have found quite unlike you and if this is the case then please hold me in low esteem such as like with an old rag in the street or a part of a shoe or a desolate place of toppled oil drums She interrupted ‘Mrs Carter moved I’m afraid to another house a while ago leaving no forwarding address Fucking hell I said couldn’t you have mentioned that at the off? You didn’t give me a chance she said.’

03.04.2021

Dawn so I too got out of bed. I was walking along a street of homes. I knocked on some doors because of curiosity. A guy said ‘Is that Armed Police! Armed Police!’ I said ‘No. I’m not shouting that.’ He said ‘Where’s the man who stands to the side with the big door ram as you run in?’ I said ‘No, Peter. It’s not that. Look – I’m already in! We don’t need that.’ He said ‘This is, I suppose, an average home for this street.’ I said ‘Well, you know, you always have that curiosity, don’t you?’ Peter said ‘I don’t, actually.’ I said ‘I meant “you” as in “people generally.”’ ‘Okay, good then,’ Peter said ‘I suppose I’ll be back to bed then.’ I sat down on the settee and rested for a while. Peter, I think he said.

06.02.21

I really shouldn’t be doing this. No-one will believe me. I know that what people like is that they know where they are. In this letter Dear David I so like how you sometimes put vegetables in like you did a few days ago with celery on the Facebook. Well thank you Susan but I also like a bit of variety which is why Today’s Picture is problematic because people will think I’ve run out of ideas but the truth is it was just there at least a mile away from the celery a few days ago. I’m not one of these people who think Wow Two Celeries in 10 days Am I Connecting with Something Bigger? I’m really not. But if you had seen two celeries don’t you think you would want to tell people?

02.12.2020

1.1 To take my mind off things I thought I would go to see the Archers Hello Dan his forearms and face were sunbeaten. Hello David he said warmly How is the writing for performance going? Well, I can’t say it’s busy Dan. What about your crops in the ground Dan, tell me about them I’d love that. Well the wheat is largely drilled to keep them warm by now Dan replied. Yes of course I said Yes. And how is Doris? I’m afraid she passed away in 1980 David Dan said. I knew that but it’s a shame I said. I used to listen with my mother you know Dan, way back. Was Doris alive then Dan asked? Oh yes, very much so. Dan nodded quietly.

21.11.2020

1.2 Yo Piglet! I cried. Dan was affable enough but his memory seemed imperfect. I asked him to direct me to the Hundred Acre Wood, thinking that might take my mind off him. It was a three day journey by dray and cart along holloways drawn by farm animals. So, Piglet, I said to the fretful creature between the great trees scarcely sliced by light. Do you see Pooh much? He hung his head. We’ve kind of got out of touch he said. But is he still living in a tree or whatever? I don’t know, Christopher Robin, he said hesitantly. For fuck’s sake, Piglet! I’m not fucking Christopher Robin – he died in 1996! Oh. Oh. Okay. He shuffled back to the shadows to the damp sticks the fallen fruit.

24.11.2020

1.3 Dan Archer of The Archers said Right Piglet if I’m to have you in full mud then we’d best have that jerkin off. It’s not a jerkin it’s a body said the mournful and reclusive small animal. My goodness Dan said in his warming voice And what is that can I ask he enquired. It’s a one piece garment came back The Piglet It’s very practical. Well you’d better slip it off now you’ll be comfy enough in your new home. I’ve always worn it Dan, this plaintively. That’s because of your retiringness said the wise countryman who had in fact died some time ago. There will be many warm swine of like mind in the facility Dan continued. You can catch up there. It feels rash The Piglet ventured. To stay in this place of dull silence and ragged moss would be rasher was Dan Archer’s rejoinder. Please don’t use that word Dan begged the little thing.

24.11.2020

Then he said, a propos of nothing, out of the blue, I know where she takes walks on her own sometimes. I went over there never thinking for a moment and there she was. No bodyguards nothing. Smoking. Looking at the horse. So I said by way of an icebreaker We don’t see you round these parts often and she said Well yeah I’m exempt from human experience and I said Wow how do you get that? She said I don’t know really you kind of realise you are. Is that all the time can you turn it on and off, I enquired. She said I have no means of telling. I said Okay, thank you Ma’am.

18.11.2020

It was dark in the park early and rain started to come in. There were people around pleased to get out despite that. I thought I could sense a kerfuffle. Over by one side along some paths I saw the body of an enormous horse. I mean practically as big as two cars. There were families looking at it with children and their dogs. I realised that some of them had small electric saws, Makita, Bosch etc. On the whole it was a respectful feeling. From time to time an individual would step forward and start their saw and saw off the leg or the head of the horse. I said Will you eat it? They said That’s the idea. We’ve got tarpaulin.

14.11.2020

On my walk I’m writing to the bus app people Why the fuck does your fucking app tell me 11 minutes so I’m walking up the hill and the bus goes right past 2 minutes later what fucking use is this to me? You know. It’s not like this particular bus is common it’s fucking rare like miss one and you could write a fucking sonnet before the next one. About 40 years ago I’m walking along and there’s Eva Marie Saint who played Edie in ‘On the Waterfront’ (1954) with Marlon Brando on the other side of the street and I smile politely and she smiles. That was what it was like. This picture says it all.

12.11.2020

I did some things but then it was half past 11 in the morning so I fell asleep. I wrote some short films about 5 or 6 but they were in my head not written down. It would be good to monetise them but I know they are not commercial. I mean really short like forty seconds max. I went for a walk and on the ground I saw some celery. About half a stick. Not a bunch but as if cut from a bush. I should have photographed it but it was dusk. The picture is alright but it is not dusk.

11.11.2020